If the tiara fits...

On Blind Voting...

2010-04-26T20:34:00.000+07:00

Title: Blind Voting: The Peso Will Lead the Way
Submitted by: Ma. Teresa D. Sarraga
Submitted to: Mr. Jony V. Berjes
In compliance with: Political Science 10.1
Date: April 26, 2010

I drove home last night in a pitiable state. It was near midnight and the highway was nearly deserted. This was a lucky break for me as my eyelids felt like they were being pulled shut by invisible weights. I was so exhausted that I was sure I would fall asleep the moment my head hit the bed. I was wrong. When I turned onto the street where I live, I found that the entrance was blocked by a multitude of cars and people. Rukawa Kaede* decided to make an appearance. A make-shift platform was erected in the vacant lot across the street from my house. Set on that platform were a couple of speakers that blasted cheesy campaign jingles… right into my bedroom. By the time I actually made it into my room, sleep seemed lightyears away.

Understandably, I was a wreck the next day. I was up most of the night listening to someone shout into a microphone. Our family cook, who lives next door from us, told us that it went on till the wee hours of the morning.

“Abi nako Sakuragi Hanamichi* mu diha sa inyo? Bibo man lagi kaayo mu kagabii?” I asked her. Her answer painted a dismal picture of the upcoming 2010 elections. She said, “Sakuragi Hanamichi* bitaw mi, Mai. Nanunga mi didto kagabii incaso manghatag sila ug sobre. Wala man so Hanamichi* gyud mi.”

Cagayan de Oro has fallen into the pattern of what I have dubbed as “blind voting.” Blind voting is originally a term used in IT. Blind voting is when you vote for a website, raising its rank, without taking a look at it first. It is the same in politics. People vote for a candidate for reasons other than that they support his vision, platform and programs. For one, people respond to incentives. It is for this reason that I did not think much of the numbers that turned up on the survey conducted by Kinaadman. The locals are swayed much too easily. Slide a wad of hundreds their way in the morning and by noon time they will be as obedient as trained Labrador Retrievers. The survey does not reflect votes for candidates based on virtues or platforms. It reflects the depth of these candidates’ pockets. And though this may not hold true for all candidates, it is a reality and it is enough to plant the seed of doubt in my mind.

Furthermore, Kagay-anons, like many other Filipinos, suffer from ignorance. When I was eighteen years old I was blissfully ignorant of the workings of politics. Yes, I was an idealist. I wanted the cost of living in the city to go down. I wanted to see someone put an end to corruption. I wanted more job opportunities to be available to those who belong to the masses. In the end, I was simply naive. I wanted all these things but I did not know who would make them possible. As the survey shows, there are many others who are going through the same thing.

I am now twenty-one years old. I am older and arguably wiser. I am passionate and extremely opinionated. I think well of few candidates and even help campaign for others. But as it stands, my passion and opinions will do none of them any good. My voice will not be heard. The survey did nothing to sway my vote as I will not be voting in the coming election. I am not a registered voter.

On My Mother: The Supermodel...

2009-08-19T13:49:00.001+07:00

These were taken at the Mag's Anniversary event held at the Atrium of Limketkai Mall a few weeks back. The event specifically intended to show off how Mag's fashion is for "real people" and not just girls who range from sizes 00-2. The event simultaneously celebrated Mag's anniversary and the Kagay-an Festival.

Mom, though we make fun of you a lot, you did great!

Love you Mama!

On Being the Kontrabida...

2009-06-12T23:31:00.000+07:00

I’ve played the antagonist before. I do not shy away from the role like many people seem to. I guess it was to be expected that eventually, people would start to pin me as the bad guy without even hearing my story.

I’m antisocial. I don’t have a lot of friends and I tend to avoid people in general. I cannot seem to carry out a conversation without offending someone in some way, be it the way I position my body or the angle of my brow. This happens more often than I have the patience to acknowledge. I don’t like people and they don’t like me. There isn’t much else to it than that.

It shouldn’t surprise me that the maldita Spanish features I was born with coupled with the fact that my friends pretty much consist of the small group people that were in school with me when I was toothless and barely potty-trained made me the easy target. I always made an effort to be nice and polite. My upbringing would not allow anything less. However, every attempt was met with distrust. One day I decided it was just too much work trying to get people to like me. I embraced the bad girl that everyone else saw in me.

I was never rude or dishonest. I may consider that my redeeming quality if I am lacking in every other aspect. I’ve never intentionally hurt anyone who has not intentionally hurt me. I do not drink, I do not smoke, I do not do drugs, I do not party until the wee hours of the morning (unlike some people might I add)… I do not deserve the severity of the heat coming down on me for the actions of other people.

I’ve nurtured few relationships over the years. I’ve always managed to keep everyone at arm’s-length. And though I have been known to take the fall just because no one else can be apathetic enough, I do resent it when people acknowledge realities that are tied to me when such realities are brought about only because of the mistakes of others. Others who knowingly caused harm to people they call friends at face value.

Some people will spend this night in tears. I will embrace the role I have been given. I will smile at her slow suffering and wish more fall upon her. My tears are spent from her wickedness. I will no longer carry the weight of her wrongs but laugh as the misery she thrust upon me, and many others like me, finally catches up with her.

I will be her bad girl. She made me this way.

On Rereading New Moon...

2009-04-27T22:01:00.000+07:00

I’ve been reading New Moon again. I haven’t gotten far. The last few days have been… tough. Reading hasn’t exactly been at the top of my priority list.

I’m reading now though. Somehow the events that play out in the story are a lot more real for me tonight.

“Bella, I don’t want you to come with me.” He spoke the words slowly and precisely, his cold eyes on my face, watching as I absorbed what he was really saying.

There was a pause as I repeated the words in my head a few times, sifting through them for their real intent.

“You…don’t…want me?” I tried out the words, confused by the way they sounded, placed in that order.

“No.”

…

With shaky legs, ignoring the fact that my action was useless, I followed him into the forest. The evidence of his path had disappeared instantly. There were no footprints, the leaves were still again, but I walked forward without thinking. I could not do anything else. I had to keep moving. If I stopped looking for him, it was over.

Love, life, meaning… over.

The impending werewolves were not enough to distract me from her grief tonight.

On Moments of Heartbreak...

2009-04-24T21:00:00.000+07:00

When I was seventeen years old, I played an extra on the set of the Nutcracker. I was a party guest. I was tall, awkward, moronically shy and unbelievably insecure. I followed directions on and off stage like a puppy dog, ears folded and tail between my legs.

It was on that stage that I met a boy. He was tall, dark, and excruciatingly handsome. He was also very aware of that fact. He was confident, bordering on arrogant, but with every reason to be. He was good-looking. He was talented. He was charismatic. He had everyone eating out of the palm of his hand. Even the clumsy extra who would occasionally throw furtive glances in his direction. It was childish and immature. It was met with encouragement.

I would later on go on to find out that this boy had a reputation as a heartbreaker. He was a jerk. Jerk is exactly my type, it would seem.

I ran into this boy more than once after the mounting of the Nutcracker. On several occasions he would very pointedly wink in my direction, sending my cheeks a flame. I would giggle with my girl friends, the few I have, when he would catch us staring at him. It was easily the worst crush I’ve ever had.

When I turned eighteen, I started to hope, falsely perhaps, that this boy saw me as more than just a toy. A little doll that would blush at the slightest provocation. It was easy to hope. When we danced, he would twine my fingers with his and hold me to him closer than was necessary. He would send me text messages picturing his enthusiasm for the next rehearsal session. It was everyday implied but never said aloud. I was dooped into thinking that our little private practices meant more than just pulling my strings and watching me twirl at his command.

It wasn’t long after that I found out that this boy’s affections were already spoken for. I had no right to hope. I was a stupid little girl with a crush.

A few months after our first meeting, I learned that the object of his affections had gone away. His attentions reverted to me. I reacted to the situation with less poise than the situation called for. In only a month’s time, he became my boyfriend.

In the months that made up our relationship, I watched as the boy slowly matured into a man. I watched as his reckless streak slowed then ebbed entirely. I endured as his fondness for women dissipated. I suffered as his love for any form of alcohol slowly came to a stop. It was dense of me to believe that I had any part of that transformation, however brief it may have been.

As recent events would dictate, like the little girl almost two years ago, I was dooped into believing that I meant something to him. Almost as prophetic as the rash romance entered into because of a love gone away, his affections are once again torn.

I am grateful for the two years I have been given. Apparently, my happiness has reached its limit. But I am a bright young woman and my strength should but mirror that. I will no longer fall prey to little boys with commitment issues. I will find a way to stand up once again. And as much as I will mourn the loss of the friendships I have formed since then, I must leave them be. I blow all the love my heart can muster to the wind hoping it takes it to them all. I pray they know it was an honor having called them friend for however long the title lasted.

On Breaking and Entering...

2009-04-18T19:23:00.000+07:00

I’ve always known that I had criminal tendencies. I once broke into my own house! Yes, it was because we were all locked out and I was the only one they could lift high enough to reach windows and fit through every little crack, but that is beside the point. I pulled out the airconditioner, with the help of my Dad and brother, and crawled my way into the house through the hole in the wall.

I was secretly proud that I’d found a new way in and out of the house without using the door. I’d planned on using that little trick on sneaking out of the house on nights that the girls wanted to go out but never found the nerve. That and I valued my life too much! Since then my cat burglar days have long been forgotten… Until this afternoon.

We were on our way home from my niece’s christening. Ate Tootsie and Ate MM rode home with us. The Gaston house was on the way. Once I pulled into their drive way, something occurred to me that would pose as a problem for all four of us. 1) There was nobody home. Everyone was at the party. And 2) The house was locked and they didn’t have a key.

At this point I was getting panicky. I was having car trouble and if I turned it off, I might not have been able to get it running again.

Tito Don saved the day when he suggested that the only person capable of getting into the house without a key is Bogsy. He described the little boy’s route to us in detail. Ate MM wanted to try but found that her movements were limited. A miniskirt isn’t exactly made for scaling walls. Ate Tootsie was in what Mama thought was appropriate attire: A mini dress. Rafa was much too big to make it up to the shaky beams.

I was in jeans. I weighed less (because I am the puny one in my family). I was it.

I opened the freezer door of the refrigerator that stood below the beams of the nearest window. I stuck my foot in there and found myself stuck. I even heard it crack from my weight! I stood there for a few moments, frozen in place until they got a chair on top of the refrigerator. Once I had my foot on that, my family pushed me up to the beam. From there, I broke the window frame and climbed into the house.

Once the door was unlocked, I apologized to Ate Tootsie for breaking her house. We laughed it off and Rafa and I hurried home.As much as I hated hearing the refrigerator crack under me, I had so much fun breaking in that I might even forgive them for putting me through it.

April 16, 2009 Solo Shoot

2009-04-16T16:39:00.005+07:00

On Family Reunions...

2009-04-15T19:06:00.003+07:00

My cousin got married last Sunday. When I was in the fourth grade, the older girls in school would come up to me and pretend to be my friends so I would introduce them to my kuya. Now, he’s married.

I haven’t seen my kuya (and his eight brothers and sisters) in years. Because of a wrong turn taken after my grandfather’s death, we weren’t invited to the wedding. Relatives came from as far as Canada and the United States to be there. Among those relatives were his bio-mom, known to me as Tita Ryan, and his step-mom, the much loved and worshiped, Tita Wally.

Last night, Tita Pinky decided to hold a little dinner for all our relatives that are still on speaking terms. Ate Tootsie called it an instant party. One minute we were watching Dragon Ball waiting for the ladies to pile out of Mom’s Rotary Anns meeting. The next minute we’re outside Bagong Lipunan waiting for four orders of canton to bring to the party.

Both Tita Wally and Tita Ryan were present. So were Tita Bay (I’m not sure if I spelled that right), Ate Pam, Ate MM, Tababy and the Daques.

We didn’t stay long. I had a little emergency I had to attend to and the girls wanted to finish things off at the Site Avenue. The party broke up at around 9:00 pm.

As much as I enjoyed seeing them again, I will miss them terribly when they leave for Canada again on Thursday.

Though we weren’t around for the wedding, our own little celebration was magical in its own way. So many different kinds of love exist in our complicated brood. In a world where hate is very real, it’s nice to know, that even when they’re removed, I can still call them family.

On Corruption at the Docks...

2009-04-11T18:21:00.003+07:00

Camiguin Trip:

I’ve been sitting in my Dad’s car for eight hours waiting for a barge to take us home to Cagayan de Oro. The first barge was to leave at 9:00 o’clock in the morning and we were in line hoping to be on that first trip home. The line of cars went beyond the docks to the road. Despite our best efforts to be early, we didn’t make it.

I’ve been sitting here long enough to watch the sun travel across the sky. I’ve seen people trying to weasel their way into the line. I’ve watched as the people at the docks overloaded the barge to the point of pinning cars to the walls, trapping the drivers and passengers inside. I’ve watched people abuse power and privilege all from my comfortable place in my father’s car.

I’ve been staring at a blank page for a while trying to think of an angle I could use to approach this touchy matter. I want to put to words the different forms of corruption I’ve seen at the docks of the small Island province of Camiguin. I want to show how, despite the line that continues to snake along the side of the road, an ABS-CBN van used the name of the press to sneak onto the barge first without having to endure the heat and the unending hours. I want to paint a picture of the men at the docks loading car after car , after car, after car onto the barge. The cars are pinned so close together that if a fire were to break out during the trip home, the passengers would burn alive. The overloading is clearly in violation of some code of safety. Where is the Philippine Coast Guard when you need them?

Earlier, I left the car to stretch my legs. We were third in line to board the barge at the time. The first one held 60 cars and I watched as they crammed as many vehicles as they could into every nook and cranny. The second held fifteen. It was a tiny craft that jumped over the water in a way that made it seem unfit for travel, let alone carry fifteen cars. Still, it was a way home and I was grateful to be fronting the angry group of drivers and passengers. It was to my surprise that the man assigned to count the vehicles, despite our place in line, suddenly looked several cars behind us and waved two of them forward. Our party was purposely overlooked. We were forced to wait another three hours for another barge to come.

The sky is now purple over the water. We are finally on a barge home. Two places behind us sits the ABS-CBN van. I can only take comfort in the fact that because they boarded first they will disembark last. I pray that they suffer the long hours they thought they were too good to endure.

On Promises Broken...

2009-04-06T19:22:00.002+07:00

I used to have a very strict view on promises. I still do. Any little promise made is as sacred as the Ten Commandments in my eyes. But recently, I’ve begun to feel like such a hypocrite. I’m slipping up with my promises. For instance, before Mark left I promised I would keep myself busy while he was away. I promised I would enroll in a gym program and get a bikini figure before he got back. I promised I wouldn’t mope around the house and stare at the computer the whole day (as you know from my previous entry, that isn’t going so well). I promised I would go out with friends (on the slim chance that my friends would be up for it). I promised I’d treat him to an eat-all-you-can dinner once he got back. Lastly, I promised him I would be waiting for him.

Going over it now, it seems that the last promise is the only one I’m keeping.

1st Promise Broken: Thou shall go to the gym.

I’ve gone up a dress size. Make fun of me all you want! I deserve it for being such a pig.

My family isn’t helping me much either. This is pretty easy to explain. I’m a giant in the real world. With my family, I’m the David amongst the Goliaths. That really doesn’t bother me on most days. It is when they try to convince me that my chubby physique looks better than the body I was comfortable with that I start to get miffed.

2nd Promise Broken: Thou shall not mope around the house and stare at the computer.

My last entry has probably given you a good look at how this promise is going. The only time I’ve stuck my head out the front door is to take my mother to the hospital. That is ofcourse, in addition to our weekly family trips to SM.

Oh! We’re leaving for Camuguin on Wednesday so I might be keeping this promise after all. My mom even bought me new clothes for the beach. I guess some of them shouldn’t be called clothes. Among them is a skimpy bikini that I actually allowed! Being abandoned has really fried my brains!

3rd Promise Broken: Thou shall spend time with girlfriends.

I haven’t seen my gal pals since our overnight adventure at Michelle’s house. I’m intent on keeping this one though! I’ve set up a lunch date for tomorrow.

So there!

Last Promise Broken: Though shall treat Mark to dinner upon his return.

Technically, I haven’t broken this one yet. I just don’t have as much cash on me during the summer. This could still change though. I am currently seeking employment.

I am not breaking the last promise on the list. As much as I constantly remind people that I have been abandoned for a rather queer dance camp, and as much as I loath my sorry existence for having had the dance camp picked over a summer with me, I will be here waiting when he gets back.

Screw the pointe shoes and leotards! Ballerinas and danseurs are more fun in jeans anyway!

On Reality and Computer Games...

2009-04-03T18:05:00.000+07:00

If you’ve been following my blog entries, you’ll know that my boyfriend of almost 2 years, Mark, has left for Manila on a dance scholarship. He will be spending the rest of the summer training at Ballet Manila, the country’s foremost classical dance company. Or at least, that’s what it says on their website. You see, I’ve spent most of my recently abandoned state in front of the computer.

I’ve gone through all my multiply albums twice a day for three days, unlocked so many songs on guitar heroes that my fingers just about threatened to fall off, checked and re-checked my friendster to see if there was any recent activity (to which ofcourse the answer is no because everyone is on facebook), bought a new webcam that simulates 5 mega pixels because the driver for the old one has gone MIA, and pretty much deleted all the outside links on my blog, not even caring if it lessened the traffic.

The worst addiction of them all however, is the simulation game with little people speaking in alien tongues walking around with huge green diamonds floating above their heads. With my ideal life at my fingertips, can you really blame me for trying to escape reality?

On the Sims2 I am an artist. I’m happily married to a police officer. We have eight children (going on nine) with three in college (all on scholarship) and two in diapers. We live in a three-floor Victorian dream house of my design. We don’t have a dog… yet. The aspiration meter is always at platinum.

In reality I am a struggling student majoring in English Language and Literature. My boyfriend is off playing men in tights at God knows where with God knows who. I have a dog that isn’t allowed inside the house and I live with my parents who, try as they might to understand the workings of my mind, fall short of appreciating my views of the world.

On the Sims2, to correct my problem all I’d have to do is use my reward points to buy something that will perk me back up. I once bought the Elixir of Life and decided to live forever. In reality, why would you want to?

Reality doesn’t offer reward points when you get what you want. Reality is never that easy.

But when you do get what you want…

There is no greater feeling.

On Crisis Moments...

2009-03-31T22:00:00.000+07:00

I woke up today on the left side of my much-too-large-for-one-person queen-sized bed clutching a distressed Precious Moments rag doll. I sleepily reached for the right side for my phone which was lost among my many favorite sketches, books and dvds that have become permanent fixtures on my bed. Once I found my phone, I looked at the little digital clock on the upper left side. I do this every morning. And like every morning, regardless of the time, I chucked my phone back to the right side of the bed where I found it and was out faster than an amateur boxer hit by Manny Pacquiao.

This has been my routine for years. So when my Mom came in to wake me up, she wasn’t surprised to find me still in bed with my rag doll, Timmy. It was like any other morning.

I wonder how she would react if one day, when she comes in to wake me up, she finds me already up and dressed.

Would she go back down the stairs, get back under her thick covers and go back to sleep like nothing happened? Would she stand frozen in shock at the suddenness of it all? Would that little change be enough to be considered a crisis moment where the soul is tried?

In the last year I have found a new comfort zone. And for once, it isn’t under the lady-like lace covers of my queen-sized bed. It is in the company of someone who has been my bestfriend, my protector, my enforcer, my confidante… It is a relationship so natural that even my morning routine cannot compare. I have never felt safer or happier and I don’t even have to be under my blanket.

In a few hours, my soul will be tried. My routine will be disturbed. My comfort zone will be pulled from my reach.

The question: will I be strong enough?

On Building Relationships and Leaving...

2009-03-28T21:11:00.003+07:00

If you’re looking for dirt on my love life, you are seriously wasting your time. You might as well click the little “X” on the top-right corner of your browser now. I need to get some things off my chest.

When I first started school I was four years old. I had just returned from my first trip to the US and didn’t think anything of speaking in English. You could single me out in class because I was fairer and a lot taller than my classmates. I was different. I didn’t like being different.

I had a best friend. She was the daughter of an American missionary who was based here in Cagayan. She had long blonde hair and gray eyes. She was different too. We became fast friends. This was not because of any discovered common interest or call of kindred spirits. We were put together because none of the other kids would play with us. We only spoke in English.

The year after I finished kinder 1, my blonde-haired, gray-eyed friend returned to her home in Oklahoma. I sat alone for most of the year. My Bisaya was already better than anyone believed possible. Still, no one would talk to me. With my best friend gone, I was alone.

I made another friend in kinder 3. Her name was Faye. She was bright and confident. I wasn’t as poised and cool. I was shy and I didn’t get along well with the other children. I was afraid she would make other friends and leave me behind. As insecure as I was, I made up my own friend and attempted to introduce Faye to the idea (I say idea because I don’t think there is an English pronoun appropriate for an imaginary friend).

I called her Angel. She was the same age as I was (or at least, was supposed to be) and had blonde hair and gray eyes. I drew pictures of her and showed her to Faye. I would give Faye the snack my Yaya packed for morning recess and tell her it was from Angel. I made up so many stories and gave up so many snack cakes that eventually, my Yaya found out that I was giving them away. Thinking that I was being bullied (which is ridiculous because I have never been bullied in all of my 20 years) into surrendering my snack, she confronted Faye. That was the end of Angel.

Faye and her family moved to Davao at the end of the school year (for reasons unrelated to that part of the story) and I started first grade alone again.

I guess what I’m trying to say with this very long and senseless narrative is that I’ve never played nice with others. I’ve never been friendly, or approachable, or open to anyone my entire life. I have always been anti-social but have always been afraid of ending up alone.

I have friends. I have wonderful friends. Ofcourse I do! But I know better than to feel secure in that. It takes so much for me to build relationships.
Payton Sawyer was onto something when she said, “People always leave.”

And when they come back…

If they come back…

They are never the same.

Twilight Review

2008-11-27T14:20:00.004+07:00

After almost a year of going through forums, reading through blog entries, and crying over fan-made videos on Youtube, I end up disappointed once again. It's safe to say that Twilight is the let down of the century.

After receiving praise for being the greatest vampire novelist since Anne Rice, Stephenie Meyer had the rug pulled out from under her. The much anticipated film that promised to outdo the likes of Interview with the Vampire, Dracula and the sort, fell short of its goal. Instead they are in line with Leslie NIelsen's Dracula: Dead and Loving It. The great love story that is Twilight has been reduced to a chuckle short of a comedy.

The passion that flowed freely between Bella and Edward in the novel was simply missing from the movie. Though I am not a thirteen-year-old ready to scream at the first sign of a head tilt (you know, the i'm-going-to-kiss-you-now maneuver), I was just as excited to see it as every other girl ruled by her hormones. I was left unsatisfied. Their portrayal of the star-crossed lovers reminded me of a guy pushing for abstinence with a girl pushing herself on him. Not something the 11-year old fans should be seeing.

The harsh criticism young stars Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart received upon their acquring the much sought after roles of Edrward and Bella was well-deserved. Every conversation, every touch, every kiss was stiff. Every movement hid behind the screaming fans, too confused to know what else to do.

I quote a line from Breaking Dawn, "It's like Jacob is stealing my lines and delivering them all wrong." (MY in this case would refer to Stephanie Meyer and Jacob would equate to everyone else.) Everything was rushed.

Bella once called Edward more angel than man. Rob just doesn't fit the bill. He should keep in mind that Cedric Diggory is dead. Harry Potter doesn't need him anymore and neither does Twilight.

As for Kristen, she's more of a Butch than a Bella. Enough said.

From the lousy voice-over narration to the forgettable first encounter, the film was a snoozefest. Characters were brutally murdered, their core traits invicible. Worst of all, the passion, the agony, the internal struggle that made Twilight great was completely lacking! What was Hardwicke thinking?

There were elements of the movie that were certainly commendable. The characters of Carlisle (Peter Facinelli), Charlie (Billy Burke), Alice (Ashley Greene) and Emmet (Kellan Lutz) were true to a T. The scenes on the baseball field and the scenes in the ballet studio, though were basically on Youtube before the movie was officially released, were the most exciting parts. Also, the added comic relief provided by Stephenie Meyer's appearance in the diner, Alice's distracted snapping off of James' head and Jasper and Emmet's dancing around the pire as he burned provided a nice relief from all the doom and gloom.

In summation, the novel will go down in history, of that much I am sure. The movie on the other hand, will fade into it.

Lestat still reigns as the greatest vampire in history. Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen (the character is not ruined by the acting skills of the person playing him) will find his place alongside Count Dracula... and Oscar the Grouch on Sesame Street.

Cold.

2008-10-30T09:26:00.001+07:00

I feel cold. The air conditioning is off and it’s raining outside. At least, I think it is. I can still hear soft pouring hitting the roof but my senses aren’t exactly in their best shape right now. My eyes look like slits cut into my face with a rusty blade. My sense of smell died at around 11 o’clock last night from a goodbye gone wrong. As for any sense of feeling along the rest of my body, any feeling died when I left 19 (more or less) of the people I love at the pre departure area at the airport just as the black sky started to turn a dull gray. Now, there’s just the cold.

I’ll go into details later. Right now, I just want to burry my face into my favorite lace pillow and cry what’s left of my eyes away.

Lunch with FAMILY

2008-09-11T14:06:00.000+07:00

I tried to keep today’s drama light. I’m sick of pretending that my sanity hasn’t left me. Even as I typed that I wasn’t sure how much of it was said in jest and how much of it was heartfelt.

No drama today.

At some point I wanted to argue about another girl, but I didn’t push it today. Today was about family.

I had to laugh when I typed the last word of that sentence. You see, I spent lunch with Ate Tootsie and her boyfriend, Sam. Sam is from Singapore. I’m not sure what it’s like in Singapore, so I can only write about what he told me. And he seemed to take a special interest in the Filipino concept of family.

Tootsie and I are definitely family. We’re first cousins. Her mother and my father are brother and sister. This relationship seemed to make sense for him. However, Mark being part of Tootsie family seemed a far off version of reality. At present, at least. We tried to explain that family is an extended term also used as a collective for very close friends. He seemed to like entertaining the idea.

I like him. He likes Ate Tootsie. It was fun. No drama. Just the four of us having a good time with good food and good company.

I wish all of my days were like this.

I DON'T SHARE!

2008-09-10T13:47:00.001+07:00

I’ve found the source of all the stress I’ve practically been drowning in since Saturday. And guess what, she’s barely 5” tall even on her tiptoes! How can someone so small be so annoying? I mean, she’d have to stand on a chair to look me in the eye with my 5’6” frame. She probably wouldn’t get that far though. I’d push her off the moment both of her feet get off the ground. Not to mention, pray that both her legs break in the process.

Violent, I know. But what the heck… I’ve always let my emotions rule me. However, I think I’ve managed some semblance of control in this case. For me at least. Considering I haven’t killed her yet. I don’t usually put much effort to keep things from getting physical. A.) Because physically, I can hold my own. And B.) Because no one is stupid enough to push me that far. This little gremlin seems to enjoy watching me go over the edge. Brave. Stupid.

At lunch today, she actually grabbed his arm and opened up the topic that we’ve been avoiding since Saturday! Can you believe the nerve? I swear, it was a miracle that I let her be. All the while, I was fantasizing about running my fingers into her eyes and pulling her eyeballs out of their sockets. And even with the invisible daggers I was shooting at her, she didn’t stop. Gahd! Is she really that clueless?

This inconsiderate manipulative Barbie-wannabe doesn’t care who she hurts in the process of getting what she wants. And that’s in every aspect of her insignificant existence!

I can’t believe I actually used to like her! I tried to be her friend. I wanted that. But since May 24, she’s been a thorn in my side. One that refuses to come out no matter how unwanted I make her feel. Not like she’d care. My feelings are irrelevant.

So many good people have to tape up their feet just so she can stomp on them; just so she has her way—FYI: I don’t consider myself as a good person at this point. You don’t get to call yourself good when you fantasize about premeditated murder—Good people who see her as a friend still! Grrr! You don't deserve to be surrounded by such wonderful people when you’re such a monster!

I used to think it was all about her career. Maybe it is. But she’s eyeing a few bonus prizes along the way. I’ve said this time and again. I DON’T SHARE!

Low.

2008-09-06T13:29:00.001+07:00

I am at an all-time low. I am worthless. I might as well crawl under a rock and die!

I used to think I was a horrible actress. My eyes give everything away and I’m quick to break down into tears. I used to think that. I didn’t think I would be strong enough to give out a performance like the one running through my head right now. And in the face of the enemy no less.

Yes, I had an audience. I only broke character when I was alone. I deserve an award. I also deserve a slap on the face, but that doesn’t count with how I feel right now. I’m torturing myself enough as it is.

The story? I skipped class Saturday morning. It turned out to be the worst decision I’ve ever made. I am a sad pitiful excuse for a human being. I guess I knew it would happen. I must be addicted to the pain. It must give me some sadistic high. Hearing the one name that used to send flutters banging on the inside of my stomach called after the one that pulls an almost ferocious snarl from my lips, I had to sit my sorry butt on the floor just to keep from keeling over. I held on to *Martin’s leg for support. Yes, there was an audience. But there were also witnesses. *Britney, *Mary, *Carle, *Barney and *Naruto were with me. Witnesses I love. Witnesses I tried to keep my tears from. I broke.

I could not be happy. No cheer or wish of congratulations escaped me. I hid in the restroom until I was sure I was composed enough to leave it.

I know I am selfish. But he is spoiled. He gets everything he wants. Absolutely EVERYTHING. In the face of all our friends, he is the abused. He seems to like that role better than I can play it. I am the overbearing ball and chain. No one wants to deal with the overbearing ball and chain. (I rolled my eyes as I typed that last sentence.) I have to keep everything to myself. Because if I speak, I am evil. I am evil now.

I didn’t get a wink of sleep last night. I think I’ve permanently ruined my beautiful lace pillow. And for what? *Mary was right. Why should I bother getting mad over someone whose mouth I want to slap shut every time it opens?

If that were the only reason, then why am I feeling the abandonment in advance as I’m writing this at 7:30 in the morning?

*Names have been changed to protect my loved ones.

/edit:
(9:04 pm)

This was probably one of the most amazing days I’ve ever lived through. Even after all that, I still can’t shake that feeling. I’m such a glutton for pain.

Buy me a book?

2008-08-14T18:08:00.000+07:00

I’m going through withdrawal. Before you put any other connotation to that, let me clear up any false impressions that may come up. I am talking about my books. Nothing more.

Ever since I finished Breaking Dawn I’ve locked myself in my brother’s room with my laptop trying to see if there is anything else out there. If anyone out there is nice enough to give me some new reading material, you will be saving my life.

Shelfari: Book reviews on your book blog

Miss CDO Candidate #15

2008-08-13T17:20:00.006+07:00

Ma. Jennifer Precious S. Gaston

Casual wear photoshoot

Casual wear fashion show.
MAGS'S ON THE CATWALK

My dear cousin was cheered on by friends and family during the first Miss CDO event, MAG'S ON THE CATWALK. She had the biggest support group there. We were so proud of her!

Bring home the crown Toots!

Where.Are.You.

2008-08-10T22:41:00.001+07:00

“Where are you?” It seems like an easy enough question to answer.

Where. Are. You.

It’s an itch you can’t get to. The answer could be, “On the moon,” or “Toeing the line between Europe and Asia” At least, it would be an answer. And for a paranoid insecure masochistic girlfriend, “Somewhere in Bulua,” just doesn’t cut it.

Can you believe it? I was stuck at home all afternoon while he whiled away his time Somewhere in Bulua. I would have gone Xena Warrior Princess on his sorry behind if I knew where in Bulua I could find him! (Random though: Maybe that’s why he left out the specifics.)

Ofcourse I was jeaolus! He spent all of July working with a certain group from the College of Arts and Sciences. They hired him to do the choreography for their Broadway production of Hairspray. He spent every waking hour with that group and every chance he had, he complained. He whined about their lack of professionalism. He nagged about their lack of ability in dance and/or drama. Today, he complained again. Except, this time he chewed on my hind because I wouldn’t let him go to the same group’s beach outing! Where is the justice in that?

I should change my site’s name to Psycho girlfriend. Psycho girlfriend. It could be my superhero name. Or super villain. I haven’t decided yet. A sane person will have already figured out why he kept so much from me today. But believe me, there is reason behind my madness.

When we went out last week he didn’t know what to do with me. He wasn’t his usual sickeningly sweet self. And I liked the sickeningly sweet MINE! I liked it when people looked at us and pretended to gag. I like it because before May 24, 2007, I used to do that too! But last weekend, he dropped my hand while we walked. He sat across from me instead of beside me. He rushed me at dinner so he could take me home early. Whoever heard of rushing a date? And he took notice of another girl while I sat right beside him! (The fact that the girl is the sister of a friend will have to go in an entirely different blog entry.) I was ready cut his head open with my spoon just to see why he wasn’t the same Mine anymore. And after his long captivity, after all his complaints, after all the nights away, he still goes and plays nice with them. It just doesn’t add up to me. And the only possible explanation I can find for it is that he’s been away too long to notice the difference. And that scares me.

I’ve never been confident. I’ve never been the best of anything in all of my nineteen years. But with Mark, I don’t have to be. At least, I didn’t up until last July.

Today, he did shots when he said he wouldn’t. He went for a swim when he said he wouldn’t. (I caved on that last one though.) Everything we ever talked about is now open for negotiation.

What have these awful people done to my boyfriend?

Walk of SHAME

2008-08-09T14:40:00.003+07:00

I’m at Limketkai. I decided to wait out what time is left before Ate Tootsie’s fashion show in an internet café. I couldn’t find my mom downstairs. I’m pretty done up so I don’t exactly want to be in public right now. Leave it to my mother to use the guilt card just so I would dress up for some show that I’m not even going to be in!

I’m wearing something I wouldn’t pick out for a weekend at the mall. I threw this together just for her. I even bothered to put on makeup before I left. I feel like a Barbie doll. And I don’t mean that in a good way.

I have an hour or two before it starts. I decided to come early and find my mom. I guess I shouldn’t have expected that I could just walk up to her with this crowd. She is, after all, a CDO socialite. That’s what the newspapers are calling her. Just thinking those words make me want to gag. She isn’t comfortable with it either. But what can I say? She made her own bed, now she has to lie in it.

The internet café I’m in seems pretty calm. I’m in the quiet room where most of the people stay so they can talk to someone else on the other side of the planet through a webcam. Their endless giggling doesn’t bother me anymore. Reality. I’m growing up.

/edit:

A more detailed narration.

2008-08-09T09:10:00.000+07:00

This is a more detailed narration of what happened last Saturday. I decided to put it all in storybook mode because I could not resist writing every little element of that day over again. So sue me!

I stared out the moving car and tried not to look to my side. The marketplace flew by quickly as the taxi sped around the crowded street. Not even the driver’s manic driving was enough to distract me. I had my arms crossed tightly around my chest. The urge to reach over and apologize was great, but I would win. As much as I hated the space between us, I wouldn’t let his silence break me.

I chanced a look at him. His expression mirrored mine. His lips were pursed in a hard line. He had one arm across the window frame while his other arm clutched his red jansport. It looked like he wanted to avoid any contact too. His eyes crawled over to my side of the cab and I quickly turned away. I was extremely conscious of the heat slowly rising to my face. I rolled my eyes as I put my fingers to my mouth. I did that out of habit. I chewed on my fingernails so to distract me. It worked. For some time, I was barely aware of his eyes watching my every move.

After another deafening silence long enough for me to have chewed my nails up all the way to the cuticle, I was surprised to have my hand snatched away from my mouth. He held them in his hands and looked at me as if I were retarded. Both fingers were bleeding.

They really didn’t hurt that bad. I was used to the sting. But there was something about the way he looked at my hand that suddenly made me feel worried. He looked straight at me for the first time since we got on the cab. I froze. I wasn’t really sure what to expect. He was still staring at me when he lightly touched my bleeding fingers to his lips and kissed them.

I realize that a normal person would find that a little grotesque. But there was something very protective of the way he held my hand that I broke. He won and he knew it. A smile slowly spread across his face. I pouted. What else could I do?

He scooted over closing the space between us. It wasn’t long before the cab screeched to a stop in front of the mall. It wasn’t one of those new taxis that had dvd players on the passenger seat. It was an old model. A really old model. It made so much noise as it stopped that I continued to pout and hid my face behind his back as we entered the mall. He enjoyed that more than he should have.

That’s all I have so far… I’ll finish as soon as I’m in the clear with my Mom and Dad.

That’s another story.

The Walking Dead

2008-08-08T20:43:00.007+07:00

I walked around in a trance-like state today. My head felt light. Too light. So light that I lost my balance a couple of times. I felt as if all the brain cells were sucked out of my head. It didn’t help that I had an exam with Sir Mark Labuntog at 4pm to look forward to.

I spent the afternoon with Ate Tootsie. I met her outside the gym. I was excited to see her but I wish I could have shown it more. My body wouldn’t cooperate. I was the walking dead. But like always, Ate Tootsie was only too happy just to get to hag out. I’ve never heard her say a mean thing about anyone in all my nineteen years.

I’ve only seen her once, apart from all her media exposure, since her return from Singapore. The festival has kept her pretty busy. In fact, she had to return to Limketkai after our bonding session. She had a technical run with the pageant director. They [The Miss Kagay-an candidates] are doing a fashion show sponsored by Mag’s tomorrow at 3pm at the Limketkai Rotunda. Mag’s on the Catwalk. She just had to run home to pick up her high heels first. (Random thought: Do you think it’s a coincidence that heel is only one letter off from hell?)

I’m happy that she finally gets to do this.

I, on the other hand, had to rush to Xavier so I could take that exam. Like all of Sir Mark’s exams, studying reaps nothing. Whatever I cram into my already bursting cranium never comes out in the exam. But don’t think I didn’t study! I tried memorizing the Mission Statement, just incase it came up anyway. It did. Multiple choice. I only got as far as, “As a Filipino university, Xavier is committed to the appreciation, preservation and enrichment of the Filipino culture…” But none of that was very helpful. All the choices were interconnected. I’ve learned that with Mark “I Can See Into The Future” Labuntog, I don’t need photocopied material, or thick text books to pass. I just need a lot of luck. That, plus margins on all sides of my test paper.

I’m home now. I’ve been home for a few hours. I used those few hours to catch some Z’s. With Breaking Dawn and the exams, I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in days. I hope to change that.

Good night and thanks for stopping by.

P.S.
By the way, did you know it’s 08-08-08 today? Useless information.

My copy of Breaking Dawn is FOR SALE

2008-08-08T18:23:00.000+07:00

I’m selling my copy of Breaking Dawn. Anyone interested?

I bought it three days ago. It’s a paperback copy that I got for Php 330. Considering the almost perfect condition that it’s in, I’m willing to let it go for Php 300. And might I point out that when I say almost perfect, I mean it. The spine isn’t bent, the pages aren’t folded or dirty in any place etc... The only fault I find in it, apart from my horrible experience trying to claim it, is that it is a paperback copy. And like most paperback copies, the cover, much to my dismay because I do take very good care of my books, the cover is showing white at the corners. I had the same problem with my copy of Love in the time of Cholera. The only reason I’m not shutting up and letting this go is that this book has to go up beside my hardcover copies of Twilight, New Moon and Eclipse. I’m particular when it comes to things like that.

So if you’re interested, send me a message.

Thanks,
Maite

Princess Lessons

2008-08-06T21:07:00.003+07:00

This is the last chapter I finished before the deadline.

Chapter 2:
Princess Lessons

Storm clouds hovered over Princess Lessons all through my teenage years. I was no longer the overachiever who brought in medals every other day. I was passive and indifferent. Life wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows anymore.

The kingdom was hurled into a state of confusion. My grandfather passed away and that left the rest of us in a state of turmoil. Talk of land, business and equal shares began to surface causing a rift between my father and his siblings.

Before the drama, my family would go up to the mountains every Sunday and have a picnic. The adults would sit around the giant mango tree by the house while my cousins and I would ride our bikes down the dirt road to the lake, climb trees and play baseball. I’d come home covered in dirt from hiding inside the tractor wheel after a long game of labay lata and position myself on my grandpa’s knee. He never complained. He just laughed. It was a grandpa laugh that made you think of Santa Clause and Christmas. I felt special because not everyone got to sit on grandpa’s lap. I was his princess too!

I wasn’t exactly the youngest among us. I wasn’t the oldest either. I was somewhere in the middle. Still, my kuyas would protectively walk with their arms around me whenever we were at the mall. My ates would stare down anyone who got too close. My younger cousins would scan my phone calls to see if I was talking to any boys. It seemed that everyone felt they were obliged to take care of me. Everyone wanted to keep me safe. I was everyone’s princess.

All this stopped after grandpa died. I haven’t been to the farm in seven years. I haven’t seen some of my cousins in just as long. The bubble I built in my childhood could no longer keep me safe from the storm.

I entered and finished high school with the same disposition: cold. As much as I enjoyed my high school years, I lived it with out the spark that once shone through a pouty little girl.

I gave up participation on the school paper and became editor-in-chief of the yearbook committee. I also took an interest in theatre and, despite my shy ways, joined the drama club. My world revolved around rehearsals, write-ups, photographs and more rehearsals. It was a small world, but it was a world I loved.

College came as a bit of a shock. I came from a pond where everyone knew and trusted each other. I never had trouble making friends because I never had to. When I graduated I was suddenly shoved into an ocean where all the sharks were gunning for me. I spent my free time hiding out in the chapel because no one would talk to me. How pathetic do you have to be when you say, “God, I’m alone. Can you be my friend?” Apparently, my Spanish heritage was unmistakable and no one wanted to practice their sign language. I was alone and my insecurities just kept growing.

I no longer had the drama club to fall back on. I didn’t have the yearbook to keep me busy. It was only around November of 2006 that life started to get better.

I met a group of friends who treated me like family. I finally felt like I belonged. I’m still insecure and fragile. The difference is that this time, when I feel like it’s me against the world, I have a place to run to.

I love life. It may seem more of a chick flick waiting to happen than a Fairy Tale, but one day I’ll find my happily ever after. If I’m lucky, I’ll find a Prince Charming along the way.

This was so long ago. I'm much happier now. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

The Toothless Princess

2008-08-06T21:03:00.002+07:00

This is Chapter 1. I was quite fond of this project. I received high marks.

Chapter 1:
The Toothless Princess

My childhood holds little to impress. I was not locked in a tower until a prince called for me to let my hair down. I was not asked to serve an evil stepmother or a pair of bratty sisters. In fact, I believe my childhood was so elated that it was when I first formed my safety bubble. It was when I built my imaginary palace full of sunshine and rainbows. As a princess, that was the world I knew. I was given everything I needed and wanted. I still am. But then, being toothless and at the time, only recently potty-trained, I was excused from the worries of the rest of the world. Not that I knew any other world existed apart from my own. I was always loved. I was safe.

My bubble is also filled with the reminiscences of people who shared their opinion of me. I was told I was a sweet baby. I was told I was a restless toddler. I was told I kicked people on the streets for calling me cute. I was told I loved to be the best and more often than not, I was. I was told so many things that are only bits and pieces of a happy upbringing. Despite my pleasant childhood, which I know to be pleasant because of the shared memories of others, the only marked recollection I can bring about so often is frequent runs around my grandmother’s lawn with my yaya at my heels. My father would call out to me from the video room and I would come scurrying as fast as my tiny legs would take me. My father and I would then sing along to the theme song of Ducktales. He would sing all of the lines and leave me to echo “Woooohooo!” Coming from a two year-old, that must have sent everyone falling about. It made them happy. And being aware that I was too young to know otherwise, I’m sure I was happy as well. I was always loved. I was safe.

My bubble only seemed to grow as I got older. Everyday was a new adventure. Normally, I was thrilled to discover fresh factors that made up my existence. Occasionally though, a little rain cloud would hover over my pretty palace. The result? Nothing short of chaos.

My brother Rafael Luis was born when I was three years old. I was hoping for a sister.

The day we brought him home from the hospital, my mother entered the nursery to find me holding a pillow over my new brother’s face. I do not have any recollection of this day. Neither does my father.

My brother grew up always asking me Why? Why do you get straight A’s? Why do all the teachers like you? Why do you get to go first? Why do you have a medal and I don’t? But despite his claims that I was a Stepford daughter, he never held any of it against me. I was SuperAte. I could do no wrong.

Rafa isn’t exactly your picture-book-prince. He can be a pushover at times. It is an unending cycle of ate trying to keep baby brother’s nose clean. I’ve always been hard on him. I guess that’s what you call tough love.

When everyone else is tucked in their beds, he and I sit around the kitchen table drinking hot chocolate and talking about how awful reality is. He is the wall that just sits there and listens to what I have to say. He’s my bodyguard. My friend.

I now need help calling back lost history. I am still able to piece together vague images in my mind and a few pictures and videos occasionally hint at certain important events. However, the memory of a little girl in a white sando and pink shorts running towards her papa in a white t-shirt with the sleeves torn off is still crystal-clear. I was always loved. I was safe.

Princess in her cradle

2008-08-06T20:58:00.002+07:00

This was the first chapter in my short autobiography for my General Psychology class from first year. I rescued it from the recycle bin.

Psych 1: General Psychology

Ms. Maita

by: Ma. Teresa D. Sarraga

Introduction:
Princess in her cradle

Nothing spectacular happened on the day I was born. The stars did not line up as if foretelling some celestial divination. The kingdom did not rise to the songs of trumpets played by men in tights. A man on horseback did not circle the land announcing the birth of a baby girl. In fact, the only inkling that would lead to even the thought of my coming was my mother’s deafening screams that reverberated through the walls of the hospital. Her cries were easily forgiven. As was my weighing 9.2 lbs. All was forgotten once they got a look at their princess.

Yes, how else do you describe a precious little thing no bigger than a loaf of bread? I had a full head of hair, big brown eyes and all ten fingers in my mouth. Now, I still have a full head of hair. My brown eyes seem to get bigger when I puppy-dog-pout. And yes, I still have all ten fingers in my mouth. Only this time around, they don’t go in all at once. This is all to the dismay of the King and Queen of this atypical Cinderella story. My father and mother, John Mark and Ching Sarraga.

Their fairy tale is one that covers nine years of highs and lows that lead up to a nineteen year marriage. When the girl from Ipanime met the distinctive bad boy from the hood, happily ever after was bound to happen.

My mother, christened Rizaflor Roa Dumalo, was born into a family of seven children. Being the daughter of a judge, my mother was always fighting to break free of her controlling father. Always wanting to be the center of attention, my mother was a member of every extra-curricular organization known to Xavier University. She was labeled a campus figure by her peers. It was only natural that she went out with, and eventually married, my father.

My father was born from the union of Fortich-Sarraga. He was the youngest of a brood of five. He was tailed by a yaya all throughout his childhood and adolescence. It wasn’t very surprising that as a rebellious young man, my father was drawn to my mother. Ofcourse, he will never admit that today. It was a match made in heaven. Fate cleared that up when I was born.

After a grueling first few months of flinching whenever I switched positions, the King and Queen became experts at managing chaos. The defiant bratty rich boy and the thrill seeking drama queen took the last coach out and left the kingdom for good.

Today, in their place, stands a man who proudly walks around with holes in his slip-on shoes, and a woman who carries herself with calm self-assured dignity, especially in dealing with social situations.

Though they could not be more different, maturity suited them well.

A Good Day

2008-08-06T20:36:00.000+07:00

Someone definitely made up for not being able to spend time me this past few weeks. I finally had him all to myself. I had nothing to complain about all day, and that’s how I liked it.

We walked around Divisoria a while, running a few errands. More mine than his, really. Still, the fact that he didn’t check his watch every few minutes felt good. And since I didn’t have any exams today, I didn’t have to think about anything else either.

We ended up at Limketkai at around 3:00 pm. We ate at Yellow Cab. We didn’t argue about spending too much on it either. It just ended up being a really good day.

I’m finally happy.

Franchise Anyone?

2008-08-05T13:57:00.000+07:00

Does anyone know if Fully Booked or Power Books is open for franchise? I’m asking because moments ago I swore never to set foot in or ever waste good money on anything from National Bookstore ever again!

If someone wants to be smart and argue that Power Books is under National Bookstore, I am completely aware of that. But I’m sure Power Books would never give my reservation to someone else just because another buyer shows up first! Not that I’d need a reservation for a hardcover book at a Power Books. Try looking for a paperback in one of those! They’d probably laugh at you.

Yes, I’m talking about Breaking Dawn. What is the point of a reservation if they’re only going to give it away to the first person who asks? Luckily the SM branch of NBS wasn’t crowded. I was the only customer there. And since THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT, I decided to cause a scene. If you know me, you know how I am with my books. They are the only things I spend money on. EVER.

Unfortunately, National Bookstore, and the incompetent nimrods that work there, is our only option in Cagayan de Oro. If any family out there is well-off enough to give us an alternative PLEASE!!!

My grandmother and uncle are off to Manila on Thursday. I’m giving them a reading list and have specifically instructed them to steer clear of National Bookstore. That’s the only way I’m going to be able to read now. That, and buy books online.

If you think I’m kidding about this, I have a few names that you may ask. Remember my deal with What a Girl Wants? National Bookstore will never get a single centavo out of me ever again!

I can forget about passing my midterm this afternoon. I’m too ticked off to think about anything else.

Fiscal Cavewoman

2008-08-04T19:10:00.000+07:00

I’m a techie. I practically grew up in front of a computer. But I’ve kept my money inside a piggie bank for just as long. So when I decided to withdraw some money from the bank account my parents set up for me, I was clueless!

That’s how I spent my day: In and out of banks. First, I had to be introduced to the ATM machine. I got a tutorial session from the manager. It was partly humiliating and partly comical. It all started the day before when I tried to access my account from school. There was a long line in front of the machine. I didn’t want to admit that I had no idea what I was doing so I sat on a nearby bench and decided to wait it out. As soon as the line cleared, I approached the machine only to be tapped by a friend’s mom. I offered to let her go first. I had a hard time getting my way. But I did. And after reading the words Transaction Failed for the third time, I decided to let it be before I drew a crowd.

After my tutorial, I switched banks. I stood in line for over 30 minutes and was served for less than five. I grumbled about it all the way back to school where we stood in line again! There, after two hours in line, I started feeling weird. I got dizzy. I sat on the ground and feigned indifference. But the longer we stood there, the worse I got. By the time I felt faint, I asked if I could leave early. Tring asked Janine to walk me out just incase I keeled over. Not that she would have been able to do much if I did. I’m twice her size.

So I got in a cab and took a really short nap at my grandma’s. I couldn’t afford the cab ride home. Maybe I should have taken more money from that ATM machine, huh?

Midterm for Toddlers

2008-08-03T22:37:00.000+07:00

I have been staring at a blank page for over half an hour now. I’m trying to prepare some sort of outline or study guide to help me get through midterm week. Unfortunately, being the slacker that I am, I have had no real experience studying. I flip through the occasional notes, but once they pile up, I don’t know where to start. And I’m supposed to be doing good this sem. I promised.

I’ve been true to my word, for the most part. It’s like in kindergarten, when everyone gets a star for every little good thing they do. Well, this little girl has gone home with out any stars to show for much too long. And just like a toddler with out a star, I take the kitchen door instead of the main door.

I’m not sure what, when or where my first exam is. But I’m pretty sure I have tomorrow off to figure that out.

Someone hit me before I break out in song!

“Santa Maria, send me guidance! Send me guidance! Lalala…”

.

.

.

Or something like that.

Double Date That Time of the Month

2008-08-02T23:41:00.002+07:00

I entered the homey little dance studio at around 11:00 in the morning. It wasn’t out of the ordinary. Costumes hung about, ready to be taken to SM for the dance happening. Little girls sat with their mommies, putting their hair into buns and waiting for last minute instructions. All in all, this was a regular scene just before a show. The only thing that alerted everyone, Mark in particular, was that I was in a foul mood. This was evident because I stomped off into the dressing room first chance I got. After all, he should know better than to pick on a girl during that time of the month.

I stared into space a while. It wasn’t until Sarah arrived that I finally got up. I shared with her the root of my frustration and a few minutes later, I found out my foul mood was contagious. Mark and I left early.

The cab ride was long and awkward. We refused to speak to each other even though only a few inches separated us. He looked out his window and I looked out mine. The air began to clear only when he reached for my hand. We were near SM by then. Without a lot of words exchanged, we decided to put out quarrel to rest.

We were chipper by the time we joined Sarah and Kuya Rey for lunch. Sarah and I joked about how our boyfriends feed us too much. I know that sounds horrible but I could think of no other way to phrase it. Feed us. It sounds as if we’re a couple of piglets in a pen. I say piglets because they still fall under cute. Saying pig would have just been plain mean. The boys were practically force-feeding us what we could not finish. Partly sweet, partly alarming. Mostly sweet.

As we were about to check out the stage area, my makings of a woman decided to play tricks on me. I stood up and had to sit back down again. I hope you know what I’m talking about because I’m too much of a lady to discuss it in actual sentences. I don’t like having to put down biological or anatomical terms. Science was never one of my best subjects.

Anyway, Mark had to walk directly behind me as we left the fast food place. I was about to suggest that I just go home when he offered to help me look for an inexpensive pair of pants so I could stay. That might not mean much to anyone else, but I know for a fact that if that if it were any other guy there with me, the offer would have been to wave me a cab. So for the first time EVER. I went shopping with my boyfriend.

Shopping with my guy does have its perks. I don’t have to worry if he’ll approve of what I’m wearing or not. He picked out the outfits himself. I have no idea why I think that’s so romantic. My sense of realism and idealism are absolutely flawed so forget trying to understand my giddy girly feel good ways. My life is a chick-flick-waiting-to-happen.

As soon as the dance happening was over, Kuya Rey, Sarah, Mark and I decided to hang out at my place. We played Wii for the rest of the evening and chowed down on pizza and soda. Everyone bested me at bowling. Boo! But I made up for it by kicking butt at boxing! I beat Kuya Rey!

I think Sarah missed her curfew. But I don’t think she’ll complain much about it much.

I can’t think of a better way to end the night.

Waiting by the phone

2008-08-01T22:34:00.004+07:00

I wrote this as it was happening.

What do I say to someone I haven’t talked to in months? What do I say to someone I haven’t seen in almost a year? I don’t have answers to these questions. In fact, the thought never occurred to me until five minutes ago when my cousin Alexa IMed me to ask me for my phone number. Alexa was one of my closest friends. Alexa and I talked about everything. Alexa is now in Italy.

Maybe I’m asking the wrong questions. Maybe I shouldn’t be asking, “What should I say,” but “Where do I start?”

Do I tell her that my grades are finally on track? I’ve been going to all of my classes this semester. I haven’t asked my Dad to shoot one my teachers yet. I’ve even been able to pull in a few A’s for class activities. But knowing her, she’ll think my not wanting to shoot my teacher is bigger news than the A.

Or maybe I should tell her about the upcoming fiesta. My Mom has been Little Miss Energizer Bunny for the last month preparing for it. Ate Tootsie looks like a princess in her headshots. But my Mom has never been one for mediocrity. And Ate Tootsie always looks like a princess. She won’t see that as much either.

I could pitch to her Mel and Kirby’s online store, Cartoonish. Alexa was always one fore shopping and clothes. The website definitely isn’t in want of those. It’s the new haven for online shoppers. Except, I don’t think Kirby and Melanie ship as far as Parma.

I could tell her I got to see her sisters, Daniella and Natalia. I saw them last Sunday and they put me in a bear hug. Natalia is so tall now! And both girls are getting prettier, if that’s even possible. But the girls have probably already beat me to it.

I should probably tell her that we don’t bother getting our phone fixed anymore. I was the only one who ever really used it. When she left, no one called me on the weekends. When she left no one called my sun near midnight to see if I was still awake. I should probably tell her I miss her. That’ll probably make up for not knowing to say right away. After all, this blog proves that I’m not really one for words.

Sarcasm. She’ll see that coming.

I miss you Lex!

Turned out, she couldn’t get through. Hope you read this Lex! We’ll talk another time.

4 hours until Breaking Dawn

2008-08-01T17:58:00.008+07:00

Just so we're clear, I did not receive any compensation from Stephanie Meyer or anyone else involved with Twilight. I am writing out of my own obsessive need to tell anyone who will listen about the awesomeness of the series.

Now that we've established that, let me get back to my obsession.

After months of checking message boards, reading fan fics and dreaming up my own conclusions to the story, the day marked in red has finally come! Breaking Dawn is here!

After squealing over Edward for over half an hour (because that's what teenage girls ,) and turning my attention to Jacob in New Moon (still officially a wolf girl!) then completely worshiping the ground that Alice walks on(or supposedly walks on), the only thing that hasn't changed since I first read Twilight is that I still hate Bella.

Love her, hate her, want to be her, already feel like I am her... It doesn't make much of a difference.

And even if I'm dumping all over her character, I will be one of the first in line to see what kind of trouble she gets everyone else into next.

Giddy Girly Feel Good Stuff

2008-08-01T12:58:00.003+07:00

This is something I wrote back in July of 2007. 2007 was my year. The following is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to real characters dead or alive is purely coincidental.

His face lit up the moment he saw me। I blushed. It was hard not to notice him. He was taller than most. His athlete’s build was also hard to ignore. But what made him stand out on that hot July afternoon was his smile. He had a beautiful smile. It was nice to know that the smile on his face was there because of me. I grew crimson at the thought. I looked at the floor so to avoid his gaze. As much as I loved the idea that he asked me to be there, I couldn’t help feeling shy around him.It was like the first time we met. Coincidentally, we were standing right outside the very place.

He kissed me on the cheek and took my hand। I hesitated at first. I was about to crossover to uncharted territory. It wasn’t my school. Why was I going in?

The answer hit me like a fly to a windshield। No words were spoken. He just turned to face me and with one good look at him, I realized that I would have left ages ago if I really didn’t want to be there.

So there I was, walking around a campus that I was a stranger to। There was a lot of space where we could have strolled along with out being noticed. Obviously, that was not part of the plan. He led me through the crowd. Heads turned. I was vaguely aware of the looks that seemed to pierce through my very soul. I ignored the sick feeling that began to build at the pit of my stomach. I wasn’t dense. I knew that he was showing me off. I guess in a way I was proud of that. Still, I could not shake the idea that everyone on campus was thinking, “What is he doing with her?”

He continued to parade me in front of his peers। I continued to pretend I did not notice. I was sweating. The paranoia was getting the better of me. I put on a poker face and let him take the lead. He took me through a corridor that led to the canteen. The area fronted the river. The breeze that came along by chance did not help. I held on a little tighter as he pulled me towards a group of girls. He introduced them as his co-majors. Insecurity decided to make an appearance. I stared at the floor as the girls gushed about how pretty I was. I didn’t believe them. I’ve danced with wolves long enough to know that they didn’t really mean it. I looked up for a minute to find him beaming. I quickly looked down again. I picked at the corner of my jeans. It was impossible to stay still with people examining me like that. Nevertheless, his smile hung about. That put me at ease.

“That’s a really cute outfit,” One of the girls said much too enthusiastically। I kept my eyes on the floor so to keep myself from rolling my eyes.

As I mused about whether she meant I looked fat or just tacky, I looked over and tried to take in the sight in front of me। The girl, who was several inches shorter than me, looked like a cross between a poodle and a retro aerobics instructor. And I’m being polite with my choice of words. I could have put down ridiculous or hideous. Either way, not even a circus clown could have pulled off that look.

She gave me the old head-to-foot। Clearly she was one of the elites of this school. I bit my tongue to keep from laughing out loud. Still, I couldn’t help but notice that she really was very pretty under all that make up. I continued picking at my jeans.

After she was done ‘complimenting’ me, the girls said their goodbyes and he led me back down the same corridor towards the school’s exit। Just like we entered, he did not waste time pulling me through circles. I kept my head up this time. I looked at the people that eyed me with what seemed to be a mix of curiosity and distrust. I managed to keep a straight face. As we walked out of the tiny hole in the wall that served as the school’s exit gate, I breathed a sigh of relief. I looked at him and saw that he was still smiling from ear to ear. I felt my cheeks grow even hotter. What this guy saw in me, I’ll never know.

And... and... and...

That's all I have so far. LMAO! I know it's cheezy and mushy and gross but I like the giddy girly feel good stuff!

There's a stain on my pillow.

2008-07-31T08:57:00.003+07:00

Three nights ago I woke up to find a stain on my pillow. My beautiful white lace pillow. It belonged to my great grandmother. My mother gave it to me. She wanted me to feel like a princess. That stain was wet and ugly. It reminded me of how ugly I felt for putting it there. I didn't feel like a princess. A princess doesn't cry and ruin her great grandmother's pillow with tear stains.

The gift I want to give...

2008-07-28T06:45:00.000+07:00

Teacher's comments: "Spontaneous," and "Very well written."

I should throw a party after such recognition! My first A from Dr. Mark Labuntog! I'm jumping out of my skin!

ENG 48: Reading and Writing the Essay
Dr. Mark Labuntog
by Ma. Teresa D. Sarraga

The gift I want to give is a sign pen and it should NOT be wrapped

My best friend and I have coffee at a small cafe by our university. Or I should say former university, in her case. Only a few days ago she walked through those gates in her black graduation gown. She and I laughed lightly about how quickly time flies. One day, she's running down the hall, trying to beat her teacher to class. Next day, she's signing checks and taking names.

I thought long and hard before asking her to meet me here. What would say, "Here's to a new start," and "You made it!" What could I give her that could say that and so much more?

As I reach for my coffee, I casually pass her a small case. She traces the fabric that covers it with her finger. I didn't bother wrapping it. She smiles as she takes the box in her hands. She opens it to reveal a shiny new sign pen.

Her smile grows and my heart swells with it. There are no unruly ribbons to undo, no wrappers with tape that seem impossible to remove, no risk of a paper cut. Nothing stands in the way of me seeing that smile. And I leave with the satisfaction of knowing that I put that smile on her face. I would not have it any other way.

Events and characters are fictional. But my A isn't!

So you had a bad day...

2008-07-25T18:49:00.001+07:00

I’m using song lyrics as Blog titles! What is the world coming to?!

I got lost in another one of my mood swings today. I was up at 5:30 so I could make it to Merry Child before their first period class at 7:20. I’m a late riser. Enough said. I got there a little after 7:00. Bea arrived a little before 7:30 and Justine arrived long enough after for me to have sent three very long rants to my boyfriend. Poor guy. Good guy. Better than most.

The observation was chaotic. I don’t know how I’m going to connect my topic with that jungle of a class. That ticked me off even more. I got home at around 8:30. I put off writing my paper so I could get a few more hours of beauty sleep. I put on my new silk pajamas to try and make myself feel better. I didn’t. I woke up for the second time today at around 10:00.

Dad and I caught a tear-jerker on Hallmark. It starred that girl on Veronica Mars as a teenager trying to support her family. (Family: aging grandmother, knocked up stepsister, two young stepbrothers with ADD and an even younger stepbrother with ADHD.) The word step comes out so often because their mother is a drug addict and they were fathered by different men. She has to juggle school and a job so she can buy her brothers books, shoes and stuff. As soon as her mom gets out of jail and just waits around the house for the money from Social Services, the SS threatens to put her and her brothers into different foster homes. In an attempt to keep her family together, she emmancipates herself, gets an apartment and becomes mother, father and big sister to the three boys. That was all I could stand before I decided to leave the room. That was around 10:30.

I was supposed to have lunch with Mark at around 12:00. Normally that would have made me feel better. A LOT BETTER. This time there was just too much going on. Maybe I’m just tired from all the heavy school work I’ve had to do. Still, it was a really bad day. Lunch went by so fast that I couldn’t even start a fight. All I did was stare into space.

I got to my grandma’s house at around 2:00. I slept the rest of the day away and I still feel like I should dig a hole and burry myself in it. I don’t see much point to all the effort I’ve been putting into what semblence to a life I have left. That’s just the mood swing talking. Still.

My phone won’t ring again until 7:00. And after that, not again until 9:00. Knowing that doesn’t make me feel any better.

You know what the best thing about tomorrow is? It’s that you get to live today all over again.

Yes, it’s sarcasm.

It’s 7:00. My phone will ring any minute now.

Should Women Court Men?

2008-07-07T08:36:00.002+07:00

ENG 48: Reading and Writing the Essay
Dr. Mark Labuntog
By Ma. Teresa D. Sarraga

SHOULD WOMEN COURT MEN?

I was seven years old when I first realized I had power. Not the kind of power that Wonder Woman or Hawk Girl eventually became famous for. Unfortunately, the super strength and ability to fly did not come with this Barbie’s box. No, my powers were of a more subtle nature. This was a secret I shared with all females, spandex-wearing ones included. What was my secret? To put it bluntly, I had a vagina.

I could get out of PE with a bat of my lashes. I could get someone else to do the heavy lifting with out breaking a sweat. I could even get out of after school cleaning duty by just touching my hand to my forehead. And I got away with all of it! Just because I was a GIRL.

As I grew older, I found that men actually liked doing the hard work. It was a blow to their egos whenever I could carry my own weight. They had an obsessive need to prove that they were the stronger sex. All the while, we women let them have their fun, proving that though labeled the “weaker sex”, we were definitely the smarter of the two.

This is the secret all women share. We have power. And the irony is in the fact that the power was put in our hands by the men who wanted to prove themselves powerful.

I am nineteen now. And if I’m going to be honest with myself, I like holding the reigns. So I don’t see why things should be different in courtship.

Courtship in the Philippine setting involves a lot of work. Even five year-old boys know that their job is to respect, worship and adore. That, plus the overplayed flowers, chocolates and moonlight serenades.

What I’m wondering is, if the thrill of the chase is what keeps them happy, why take that away from them?

Power. Clearly, men do not trust themselves enough to make these decisions. We already best them in everything else. They [men] should stick to what they’re good at and leave the thinking to us women.

The Origin of MY NAME

2008-06-29T13:06:00.003+07:00

ENG 48: Reading and Writing the Essay

Dr. Mark Labuntog

by Ma. Teresa D. Sarraga

My name is Maria Teresa Dumlao Sarraga. It’s quite a mouthful and I always feel like I’m talking about a bad soap opera character. This suits me just fine. Though Rosalinda I am not, the story behind my name deserves its own timeslot on ABS-CBN.

Maria Teresa is my grandmother’s name. She was the only woman my father listened to during his years as Top Gun. Despite my father’s image as a rebel, he was a mama’s boy at heart. He dropped the tough guy act as soon as I was born. In his version of the story, I was born at a time when both of my parents were just starting out in their careers. “We were so poor that we had to sell you to your grandma!” He would say in jest. So when my grandmother asked, “What’s the baby’s name?” My father spoke like the Chesire cat. “Maria Teresa.” And as our name faded into the quiet, my father’s broad grin remained suspended in the air. I was sold as Maria Teresa to Maria Teresa. At least, that’s how my father tells it.

To add to the already exciting story line of my chick-flick-waiting-to-happen, my last name happens to be Sarraga. The family’s coat of arms hangs in one of the rooms in my grandmother’s house. When I asked her about it, she went into a detailed recollection of how excited my grandfather got when it arrived from Spain. The original family name was spelled Zarraga and the family was originally from Vizcaya, Spain. Though the fact that we are of Spanish descent is evident on the way we look, to have proof of our heritage hanging in between pictures of Mamita and Jesus meant lot to him, as it still does to us.

Completely Random

2008-05-31T18:57:00.003+07:00

Random ramblings.

Ignore.

.

.

.

I warned you.

I've never been one for traveling. Or shopping. Or nights out. Or anything that involves too much noise or too many people. I keep to myself a lot and the people whose company I keep are those I trust fully. Apart from my family, that isn't much. But that doesn't mean I like my current state away from everyone else.

Don't get me wrong. I needed the vacation time. I needed to get away. But that's over. Now, I need to be in a country where I can speak a language that doesn't remind me of a documentary on cavemen. I need hair products with English labels!. And I need to have a conversation with someone who will talk about something other than how much extra baggage we're taking on the plane!

I want to go home!

My paranoid and suspicious nature won't allow me rest. I need to be home. I need to convince myself that my getting home means something to someone. Anyone! Well, Some one in particular. (Even if that someone seems to be having a jolly good time with out me. hmph!) But anyone will do too! I want to be missed. If that doesn't happen, at least I can curl up in a ball on my bed and cry my eyes out with Timmy beside me. I know Timmy misses me.

I'll be home on the 4th. If nothing else, I hope my phone rings more than once. It would be painful to expect anything more. Depressed and lonely doesn't suit me.

Beach Bums

2006-10-21T08:20:00.000+07:00

I went out with my blockmates last Friday. We took advantage of the seminarians' time out of the seminary to join them on the beach.

I had second thoughts about going out that day. I didn't feel like getting up. You know me! Lazy and moody are a deadly combination. Especially in one person! But I'm glad I decided to go. You see, I have trust issues. The four months I spent with these people weren't enough to really get to know them. I had a blast though! Ü

It waas so windy that Carla and I struggled to keep our hair away from our faces. We were in a wrestling match. And ufortunately, we were losing. I borrowed Ryan's bandana to see if it would help. It didn't. But he did take a really awful picture of it!

*dies of shame*

It wasn't all bad. In fact, when we looked the other way it was dramatic.

*comes back to life and dies again*

It started to rain and most of us didn't plan on getting wet. We stayed under the little shack until it stopped raining.

The shack next to us was full of drunk middle-aged men. The seminarians became really protective. They reminded me of my guy friends in high school.

They walked us to the highway and got us a ride back home.

HE is coming home tomorrow. Surprise surprise! Let's see how well it turns out...

Out!
-TiMai

P.S.

There are more pictures on my Multiply site.

Color me!

2006-10-05T16:04:00.000+07:00

I am so sorry for last week's drama post! As much as I hate myself for being such a drama queen, I am only human. :p

I have to remember not to engage mouth when brain is not in gear! That and to ask my friends what they're wearing every wednesday. Why? Because Melanie and I showed up in exactly the same color! Plus, the two of us had to do a report for our English class. Everyone kept calling us B1 and B2! ugh!

Later that day:

Blockmate1: Naka blue man lagi ka Mandy? Nice girl lugar ka?

Moi: Basta ba diay naka blue?

Blockmate2: Dapat gani ka mag violet kay sosy man ka!

I didn't really know what to think... That is why I chose to explain my little doodle.

Rebel Fights Back by ~timai on deviant ART

Just because he's in black doesn't mean he's not smart!

Maybe I should show up in rainbow colors!

Out!
-TiMai

Rants

2006-09-29T16:44:00.000+07:00

I haven't written in a while. I did everyone a huge favor by sparing them all my drama. But since I've been all over the place lately i decided to skip the waterworks and just do a little freewriting.

The semester is almost over. My grades suck. I haven't seen my batchmates in a while. I have given up hiding out in the chapel. I haven't seen the inside of the Law Office in weeks. My bed is a mess. My environment of creative chaos is starting to cause problems. I have started reviewing for the exam that will either send me to cloud9 or to hell. (i'm not sure if i meant that literally of figuratively yet...) I worked on my essay (for the hundredth time!) . It sucked (for the hundredth time!). I haven't asked about the grade requirement. Don't ask! What's the point in trying? I can't seem to write anything good anymore. I can't seem to do anything right anymore! I am the laziest person on the planet! I don't fit in in school. Sure, I've made friends (finally!)... But the semester is almost over and I'll have to start from square one! I don't like being alone. I'm always alone. How can I grow as a person? I know we're all supposed to move away from our comfort zones in order to be able to grow, but how can I when no one will give me a chance? My parents try to hide the fact that they'd rather have me stay here. They'd rather I stay with all my high school friends. To be honest, I'd like that too! But I'd like to be able to grow up! If I were to start fresh in a place where no one knows me... sigh. I must be dreaming. I will never get out! I'm stuck.

No one talked to me during my first week at XU. Apparently, I look like a foreigner. I intimidate people. I tried to make friends. I talked to people. They would just stare at me. I never had to worry about that in high school. Sometimes people are just so rude! I don't like people staring at me. I feel like I'm under some giant microscope and that all my flaws are magnified. I don't need help in remembering my imperfections. I will be the first to point them out! Come to think about it, that is an imperfection in itself.

argh! i am just an insecure freak! When i hear people give praise to someone about something that i am not/ i don't have, i panic. I think that I must be doing something wrong. I see girls that are my exact opposite. When people compliment them on their charm, witt, features, humor etc... I just want to dig a hole and burry myself in it!

And to top it all off? I am being affected by a storm that is miles away!!! the stupid service won't get through! I've been alone for nearly three days! I am going insane! I need to talk to someone!!!

Just shoot me now...

Out!
-TiMai

The MANUAL is missing!

2006-09-12T15:11:00.000+07:00

There was nothing special about my morning. I got up, took a shower, got dressed, ate breakfast (i might have skipped that this morning. i'm not so sure...) and took a taxi to school. The only thing that would have struck anyone as out of the ordinary would've been my coming to school early. But no one noticed that either. I have succeeded in making myself completely invisible.

I am now officially just another face in the clouds. I am a nobody. I do not excel in any field. I am not exceptionally talented nor am i particularly pleasing to the eyes. It leaves me to wonder what kind of a future is open to a girl like me.

I know what I want. I can picture myself ten years from now. I'll be happy. Italy? Japan? CDO? Where I'll be won't matter to me. Very few things do.

I am not saying that I cannot do anything. In fact, I've put my finger into so many flavors of ice cream that I'm not sure which one is my favorite! You could say I'm the Jack of all (not really... but it seems fitting) trades. A Jack is nothing special. A Jack is not a King.

I must sound like some kind of nutcase! I don't want to be pitied. I don't want to depress people with stories of my misery. I just want to understand! I know I'm meant to realize some sort of valuable life lesson. I just don't see it yet! I have accepted the existance of a creator. I believe in God and I know he has a plan for me. But wouldn't it have been easier if he had included the user's manual?

Nobody saif this would be easy. They just said it would be worth it.

Out!

-TiMai

STOP

2006-08-16T16:41:00.000+07:00

Today is a Wednesday. Wednesdays are wash days for the students of XU. Today I wore a white top with my old jeans with zippers on all sides. I also wore heels to school for the first time. I had such a hard time getting out of the car! Lesson learned: stick to your flats. No one has to look up when you pass and you're ass doesn't disappear completely!

I've been in a bad mood since Monday. I almost caused a scene when the guard at the main gate stopped me and accused me (I make it sound like I did something unforgivable!) of wearing a sleeveless top. The thing is, my top wasn't sleeveless at all! But you try explaining that to a guy! Sigh! I was wearing a lacey semi-sleeved (sometimes called a muscle sleeve) blouse. When I tried to explain this to the guard he told me to go take it up at the Department of Student Affairs! I was furious! I surrendered my I.D. and stompped off to the AVR for first period Biology.

I would have continued fuming if it weren't for Mel. She, Zaira, Ana, Nerika and I drove out in Mel's car. As we passed the main gate, I made faces and thanked God for tinted windows.

After my BIO 16 LAB midterm, I ran into Jeho and Nico. Win2x, Kim and Akiko found us a few minutes after. I really wasn't in the mood for anything so I decided to head home early.

I walked out with Win, Kim and Akiko and realized I still had to go through the Department of Student Affairs to claim my I.D. It took longer than I thought it would. I asked them to go with out me. I didn't really want them to leave. I like having friends. I know that sounds so sad, but I do! And as I sat there, I kept thinking about how unhappy I was. Emo is an understatement. I'm suicidal!!! (=p) Kidding aside, I just wanted to get out of there!

When they finally called my name and informed me that my shirt wasn't sleeveless, I almost yelled at the window attendant. I already knew that! They made me go through the whole process just to tell me what I already knew! I kept my cool. (Thank God!) I didn't want to seem disrespectful so I thanked her and left.

Once I reached the main gate I shoved the slip that read, "The student in question is not wearing a sleeveless shirt." at the guard. He looked at me with a confused look on his face. I forced a smile. I am so tired of all the cr%p!

Bui! (=c)

Out!
-TiMai

Get Me There...

2006-08-13T16:59:00.000+07:00

I am an emotional wreck. I've managed to put myself in a bubble. I've blocked the rest of the world out. People can no longer bring me comfort. They have their own lives to run. They do not trouble themselves with my problems. And any of the little help they offer is all a bunch of B.S. They do not understand. No one can understand.

I'm not implying that I don't have any friends. I have a lot of friends. I just can't count on them to understand me this time. I wasn't joking when I put down that I was really complicated.

Ever since I became a student of Xavier University (Urgh!) I have become the walking dead. Happiness may be a choice, but it is one that is not open to me.

What goes on behind closed doors may surprise you. The search for creative outlets has brought about bad sketches and sappy stories. I have lost myself completely. i do not know who I am anymore. What was once my passion does not even put a smile on my face anymore. I'm not good at anything. Where am I going to be? What am I going to do? If everything happens for a reason, am I meant to realize some big life lesson in all my pathetic agonizing? I do know what I want. And all of what I want seems to point in one direction. And believe me, it's not at XU.

Aristotle once said, "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence is then not an act, but a habit." I try to put my all into getting what I want. Things always go wrong. Argh! And I can't even go into details! I'm sick of using codes!!! I just want to tell someone everything!!! I just want to be happy again. I want to take a step in the right direction. I don't want to step back.

Help!!!

Out!
-TiMai

Little Miss Know-It-All

2006-08-01T17:40:00.000+07:00

Little Miss Know-it-all has hit a wall on her road to enlightenment... Blagh!

I have not even begun to dig into my books and midterms are next week. I have more than ten chapters of Biology to go through! Did I mention that I hate Biology? Not that I'm doing badly. I'm no "A" student either. Just call me your Average Jane. (Should I write my own song? Just a thought...)

My seatmates Makoy and John Leo (from the San Jose seminary) keep trying to let me copy off their work in Filipino because they feel so sorry for me. I have have never looked over though. Sigh! I'm honest to the point of being pathetic! These guys are going to become priests! And even they're cheating! LoL! College life is weird.

I aced my Math and Lab tests last week. I'm pretty sure they won't make up for my assignments though. But my Math 100 teacher did point out that my grade went up from an A- to an A. It didn't impress me much. The passing grade is a 40. Not much to brag about. Blagh!

For those of you who knew me in high school, not much has changed. I'm still the wait-outside-for-the-class-brain-so-i-can-copy-her-homework gal. In all fairness, people actually ask to copy MY homework this time around. LoL! I feel sorry for them! Blagh!

The class I love most? LTS! Every Tuesday and Thursday, I take a jeep (YES, I take a jeep!) over to Bongbongon Elementary School to tutor the remedial students from grades 2-6. I love it! I'll ask my contact person if I can take pictures next week. I'd love for everyone to see my tutees. They're so cute!

Tutee #1: Ate! Balik baya mo ha? (Ate! Come back, ok?)
Moi: Oo! Balik mi sa Thursday. (Oo. We're coming back on Thusday.)
Tutee #2: Naaah! Ugma lang! (Naaah! Tomorrow lang!)

I felt like taking them home with me! LoL!

Last Tuesday, I asked my tutee to put the larger number in his head, touching my index finger to my eyebrow as I did. I told him it would be easier to add and subtract that way. To my surprise, he touched his finger to his brow too! As if I meant it literally! LoL! But he did get the correct answer. And he did it again today. I felt so proud! LoL!

I have to go now... I'm working on a really important essay.

But before I go:

I found out how to do it a few minutes ago! LoL! That's the view from Jack's Ridge, Davao. It's 'the point' (you know! teen chick flicks always have badass guys taking girls to some point...) of Davao. Their version of CDO's High Ridge. Nice view noh?

Out!
-TiMai

To my batchmates from SMS:

Someone told me that you guys still check this account. Please leave me a message. I miss you guys soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much!

Much love! <3

Enough!

2006-07-22T13:07:00.000+07:00

I can't believe you! You wrote him a testimonial? How obvious can you get?!

Get a clue!

He's not into you!

I didn't think it was possible for me to hate someone I haven't met as much as I hate you. I don't care if you're a really nice person. You don't seem to understand. And that alone is enough for me to hate you.

Ugh!

Out!
-TiMai

Furious!

2006-07-21T17:18:00.000+07:00

I just don't get you! I should really stop taking other people's advice... I thought I could talk to you about anything. Do you listen when I go on and on? Do you seriously think that anything is innocent these days? What if I went out and did the same? Friend??? WTF?!

A picture is worth a thousand words. You have four pictures. FOUR! And that isn't even counting the ones before today! I am tired of keeping all of this in. Maybe I should start pulling my hair out. Would that catch your attention?!

I am really pissed!

You tell me what I need to do to get you to listen!

Out!
-TiMai

Cabin Fever

2006-07-18T10:45:00.000+07:00

This is my second day out of school. I've been sick for a while now and after last weekend's overdue trip to the hospital, finally received strict instructions not to leave my bedroom for five days.

I feel like the walls are closing in on me. HELP!

Out!
-TiMai

Flashback

2006-07-13T14:30:00.000+07:00

Flashback:

Earlier today...

No one was suprised to see me walk in seconds after the last bell. Not even the Math teacher who comfortably positioned herself in front of the class armed with our questionaires and answer sheets. I hurriedly positioned myself in between Richard (one of the three in my class) and Lulu. Almost as soon as my butt hit the chair, they passed the answer sheets and my day of anguish and torment began.

I don't believe I did badly. In fact, I'm sure I scored well. Another exam followed at 10:20 am. I walked my way up and down the different stairways of the different buildings to my English 16 classroom. Another class was still going on when I got there. I sat on the floor and looked over my notes. The next thing I knew I was staring down at a seventy-five items! I don't think I did badly on that test either. I probably didn't top it or anything... but I definitely passed.

Melanie had to go home early so she could catch some Z's. I was left alone. I couldn't find anyone to have lunch with! Isn't that sad? I walked into an internet cafe to type my blues away. That didn't happen. The connection went down after only a few minutes.

I took a cab to LKK after my last class in the afternoon. I inquired about the 350 plan for Sun Cellular, like I said I would. I hope I get it soon.

Last weekend...

I woke up early to plan my outfit. I know it sounds awful, but believe me, I had good reason! He was coming in the afternoon.

I wasn't really paying attetion to my Student Facilitator. I wasn't really paying attetion to anything! After a few minutes, my phone rang. His flight was delayed because of heavy rain. Being me, I assumed he wouldn't be coming home. I was pretty bummed. After a while I received another message. He was boarding his plane and on his way home.

The rest is pretty much...

Well... I'm gonna miss him.

Out!

-TiMai

Keeping Sane

2006-07-13T06:39:00.000+07:00

I know I haven't exactly been religious with updating my blog lately. I'm sorry. But a lot has happened since my last post.

For one, I was in heaven for two days and torn away from it the next. Yes, I am messed up. I'm surprised people as smart as you would have to ask.

I've also been updating my multiply account. There are some stuff that can only be viewed by my contacts. You'll have to add me to see them all!

My forms for 'you-know-where' arrived the other day. I am exhausted!

I am applying for a sun cellular plan today. Php 350/ month= unlimited call and text.

I'll go into details later. I have a test to study for!

Out!
-TiMai

Tomorrow Is Only A Day Away... SH%$!

2006-06-19T15:10:00.000+07:00

I am not going to think. Ofcourse, that is what got me into this mess in the first place. But that is not the point. In order for you to understand what I'm going through, you are going to have to walk a mile in my shoes. Deal with it!

I was babbling on and on about how life could only get better after throwing you a couple of curve balls. I guess I got an eye opener today. Rainbows and sunshine don't exist in the real world!

My phone got stolen. Inside a fastfood joint! Can you imagine? This is the kind of world we live in! At least in my perfect world, things like this don't happen! Don't give me crap about growing as a person and learning to live by it! I was doing just fine until a few weeks ago! I had friends, I had free time, I had unlimited call and text 24/7! More importantly... I had HIM!

How am I supposed to talk to him now?

Life is overrated.

Out!

-TiMai

Sleep Deprivation

2006-06-16T13:05:00.000+07:00

There is only so much I can take! My sleep-deprived body and badly beaten essence are against me on every factor of my tragic being.

I was once happy. Once upon a time all my posts were of days at the movies or lazing about on the couch.

This benumbed zombie of a girl is a stranger to me. Where is Maite?

In an hour or two it will be June 16.

Sh#%!

Out!

-TiMai

First Day Slump

2006-06-13T14:16:00.000+07:00

To many people, I am still the little girl in pigtails running around with with her front teeth missing. At times, I want to believe I'm still that little girl. But running from one building to another this morning showed me that there is no room for that little girl in the circle I run in anymore.

I relived the first day I stepped into a classroom this morning. I still remember walking into a room with all my new classmates staring at me. I was four. Teacher Edna (my kindergarten teacher) introduced me as Matet. Hilarious, I know. But at the time it greatly upset me. My mother corrected her and sat sat with me the entire time. No one would speak to me because back then, my grandmother was insistant that English be the only language that we converse in. Everyone assumed I was a foreigner! Isn't that just like a Filipino?

Anyway... almost the same thing happened this morning. My cousin Tring and her friends Jing and Ches walked me to my classroom on the 4th floor of the engineering building. I felt like little Matet all over again! Tring must have sensed how awful I felt because she asked Jing to stay with me. (Lab d i gyd ko sa akng gagaw!)

After the teacher didn't show (isn't this cool? if the teacher doesn't show after 15 mins you can walk out!) We walked to another building that happened to be situated on the other side of the campus. On a normal day, I would only have had ten minutes to run from the 4th floor of the 1st building to the 6th floor of the 2nd building. I am so glad today wasn't a normal day!

I was so aware of the fact that I was friendless that I kept pulling out my cellphone and checking the time. I couldn't wait to get out of there! Once we were dismissed I shot myself out of that room like a bullet. I moved so quickly that I slipped on the ramp! Lucky I grabbed the handrail before I could humiliate myself further. It wasn't until halfway through my last period that I realized that the guy sitting next to me was an old classmate from kindergarten! The last few minutes became bearable.

I'd better make a friend soon or else I'm going to end up even more paranoid than I already am!

Out!

-TiMai

Disney: My Greatest Teacher

2006-06-10T20:02:00.000+07:00

I know I already posted earlier today, but Walt Disney had other plans.

I just finished watching Brother Bear on the Disney Channel. I would have given Hollywood a run for their money with my waterworks display! Yes, I bawled like a 5 year-old who just lost her lollipop to the school bully. Life is funny that way. Just when things were normal, happy even, like Koda and his mother, ice cracks and the whole world fell into the icy waters below.

I can't help but feel like I was that little bear cub. Lost and alone but always believing that his mother would return and everything would go back to the way it was. But that is not how the story ends. Koda's mother never did come back. He would see her from time to time (her spirit, as the movie called it) but it would never be the same. He had to learn that even though the person he loved most wasn't around, he still had friends. He had to learn how to get to the salmon run with out her. Just as I have to get on with life at the university. (getting to the salmon run is probably a lot easier though.) Sigh!

And Ma'am Tinny says we don't learn anything from cartoons! *winks!*

Still miserable but not alone. I'm coping.

Out!

-TiMai

Alien Princess

2006-06-10T16:01:00.000+07:00

Here's a little something to distract me from the fact that I honestly feel that I have no business being enrolled at XU.

Going back to how alien I feel at my new school...

I actually have to look down once I walk through the gates. And I thought I could throw a mean stare! I don't fit in. Apart from the fact that I made new friends that are worth keeping, my school year hasn't exactly... Well, lets' just say there's room for improvement.

Still miserable and still alone.

Out!

-TiMai

We're All In This Together?

2006-06-07T13:03:00.000+07:00

Mich, even if you were on the moon, I'd still give you a call just to see how you're doing. Always remember that you can do the same.

I've never failed to remind people of my hesitation towards anything that might bring about change. As the saying goes, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

There was nothing wrong with the way things were. I was happy. I had friends, I had a cousin I could run to for laughs and I had my times on the couch with a couple DVDs and a lot of smiles. It seems like I have none of that now. And the worst part is... I don't know what I'm getting in exchange!

Miserable and alone.

Out!

-TiMai

Music Thingy

2006-06-03T19:07:00.000+07:00

1.Put your music player on shuffle.

2. Press forward for each question.

3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense. NO CHEATING!

4. Tag 10 people to play this game too.

How are you feeling today?
a dream is a wish your heart makes, daniel bedingfield
-Hey! This is fun! I'm only starting and already I like it! LoL!

Will you get far in life?
Independent Women (Part 1), Destiny's Child
-That is soooooo cool! I only wish it were true

How do your friends see you?
eternal flame, M.Y.M.P.
-That's a good sign, i think.

Will you get married?
good riddance, Green Day
-This is so wrong! AGAIN!
Power of two, M.Y.M.P.
-Much better!

What is your best friend's theme song?
We lie, we cheat, we steal, Eddie Guerrero
-OMG! That is so wrong! LoL!

What is the story of your life?
My humps, Black eyed peas
-no comment. AGAIN!
Down once more, Phantom of the opera OST
-worse! LAST!
All these things that i've done, the killers
-I give up! My life is pathetic! LoL!

What was high school like?
Look after you, the fray
-it could work...

How can you get ahead in life?
A touch of pink
-That is so wrong! I hate pink! LoL!

What is the best thing about your friends?
Diary, Alicia Keys
-Aww... So sweet!

What is today going to be like?
My last breath, evanesence
-OMG! i'm not leaving the house!!!

What is in store for this weekend?
We belong toether, mariah carey
-how i wish this was true!

What song describes you?
Baby it's you, jojo
-CooL! I approve! LoL!

To describe your grandparents?
Under the sea, samuel e. wright
-umm... weird much?

What song will they play at your funeral?
Music of the night, phantom of the opera OST
-Umm... that is soooo wrong!

How does the world see you?
Better days, googo dolls
-urgh! and this started out so nicely!

Will you have a happy life?
The way you do, southborder
-?

What do your friends really think of you?
What i like about you, lillix
-heading in the right direction.

Do people secretly lust after you?
cater 2 u, destiny's child
-and this would me what?

How can I make myself happy?
This year, a*teens
-all the planets are lining up for me... la la la

What should you do with your life?
Losin' my mind, southborder

Will you ever have children?
suddenly i see, kt tunstall
-whoo! yehey!

Tring's Birthday Blast

2006-06-02T11:08:00.000+07:00

I got all dressed up the other night to attend my cousin's debut. In the novels I read which set back to the 17th century, a debutant ball was a coming out party. It was a calling card for young men presenting a young woman who is eligible for courtship and marriage. Kind of late for that isn't it? LoL!

Anyhoo... My cousin Katrina (better known as Tring-tring) looked amazing. Don't take my word for it! See for yourself.

I spent most of the night with my cousins. I will never be able to put into words how wonderful that night felt. That we were able to go one night without worrying about conflict. We were just there! It may have been Tring's birthday, but God gave me a wonderful gift that night. I was happy.

My Mom took advantage of the event and had us take a family picture.

It came out alright, didn't it?

I just wish that Alexa were there. She would have loved to be a part of that.

Still standing...

Out!

-TiMai

College Blues

2006-05-28T13:43:00.000+07:00

Summer is almost over. Very soon I will trade my copy of Paolo Coelho's Zahir in for nice thick Bio book (or something equally boring.). Why? Because little Miss Smarty Pants here is taking up English Literature at Xavier University. Won't Sir Leo be proud? (If you don't know me very well, let me just point out that I was being sarcastic)

I've put together a list of things I want to do before I walk through the halls of Ateneo de Cagayan. By the way...

No, I did not change my mind about going on exchange. I never wanted to go in the first place.
Yes, I am staying in CDO.
No, my parents did not allow me to attend univerity in Manila. (For now...)
Yes, I am terrified of college.
And yes, I am going any way!

Things to do before the summer ends:

Lose 10 lbs.
Cut my hair (I know you probably don't believe me, but so what?!)
Talk to Mel about our free periods. (You don't want to know...)
Learn to get by with out taking a cab. I don't have enough cash for that anymore.
Find an extra-curricular activity that doesn't involve writing. (Whatever!)

Wish me luck!

Out!

-TiMai

My Last Smiles

2006-05-26T22:18:00.000+07:00

This is what Ian and I ended up doing on the last day we spent in Manila.

And ofcourse...

I ate Japanese!

Out!
-TiMai

Special Request

2006-05-23T19:23:00.000+07:00

I work hard on my icons and there are still some I would like to keep to myself. Here are some I would be willing to share though. If you like 'em, you're welcome to 'em.

The codes are in the order shown below.

Out!

-TiMai

Tristan and Isolde

2006-05-17T11:15:00.000+07:00

If you haven seen Tristan and Isolde yet, watch out for it!

Here's a little teaser for you...

I told you! You'll probably need a box of Kleenex beside you.

Out!
-TiMai

Magic In Manila

2006-05-17T09:24:00.000+07:00

Only recently have I come to notice that almost half of my graduating class is taking up their college studies in Manila! I was truly fortunate to have grown up with such a brilliant bunch of individuals endowed with so much competence, skill and flair. I am so proud of each and every one of you guys!

I wish I could catch you all here before I leave. Bien, Tinay, Jessa and Lindsey most especially since I know when you arrive. If ever someone is already in Manila and will be available between the dates of May 17-May 22 2006, please contact me. I miss you guys so much!!!

Going back to Manila… My days seem to be getting shorter. Sigh! If only I could have brought a few things from home. The couch. The DVD player. A few DVDs. Sigh! In a few weeks summer will be but another memory. The sweet sounds of traffic jams and backbiting teenage girls (ironic, I know!) will fade into oblivion. I pray the Lord will grant me more happy memories to hold in my treasure trove of memoirs in the future.

For now, I will continue to grow and learn in little (Yeah right!) Manila.

May 14 (Sunday)
Mother’s Day
11:00 am We had lunch at Tita Choelo’s house. Tito Rammy was recently promoted to Lieutenant-Colonel. Aside from celebrating Mother’s day, we celebrated his advancement. I saw my baby cousin Carlos for the first time. He was absolutely adorable! (He got that from OUR side of the family.) I also chatted with my cousin Ram for a bit. He and my cousins Marco, Ollie and Cheenee are from my mother’s side of the family.

6:30 pm I had dinner with my grandma, dad, mom, brother, Tito Brown and Tita Chona at Chili’s. I had a bacon burger. LoL! Part of it really. I couldn’t finish anything that big! We also had this scrumptious ice cream with crushed Heath bars over a layer of Oreos covered in caramel. You can imagine how happy I was to see that! LoL!

May 15 (Monday)
11:30 am Greenhills with Grandma. I went along as they bought new shoes and accessories. My barkada will be proud to hear that I also indulged in a bit of an acquisition. That’s right! I bought a few pairs of denim pants and a denim two-button jacket. I was extremely pleased with my purchase. See? Big smile! LoL!

1:00 pm Ate at one of our favorite burger joints, Brother’s Burger. I ordered a Brother’s Burger (plain, ofcourse.) and a vanilla shake. If you know me well you would know that I would probably waste away if it weren’t for my obsession with ice cream, pizza and pasta. Yes, I am an expert. I can eat any variety of the latter. Of ice cream on the other hand, I am picky. I only gorge on a number of flavors. The amount I consume however, should never be mentioned out loud for no one will ever see me as a respectable young woman if they knew of it. LoL!

May 16 (Tuesday)
11:00 am Ian arrived at the condo. We hung out for a while.

2:00 pm I was able to convince my parents to let us go out. We spent the afternoon at Glorietta 4.

3:30 pm We caught a movie. I absolutely love the movie theaters here! We were able to check the schedules on the internet and everything! (I know I must sound like such an ignoramus. I don’t care really…) We saw Aquamarine. We were really supposed to see Silent Hill. Why the change of plans? Ian thought that P120 wasn’t worth it if I was just going to close my through the entire film. LoL! He was right. I enjoyed Aquamarine so much, which is more than I would have said if we went on to watch Silent Hill.

I still have a few more days in Manila. I’ll keep you posted until the day I come home.

Much love!

Out!
-TiMai

Happy Days Are Here Again

2006-05-15T09:23:00.000+07:00

Good morning world! Sorry if my last post only provided a vague account of my recent escapades. The wireless connection my uncle frequents is only available during work hours. Sneaky, huh? LoL!

To begin… I know for a fact that my mother opens my blog from time to time. So:

This is also intended for other mom’s who might come across my fairytale world. You serve as our lecturers, cooks, chauffeurs, and occasionally, our referees. Where would we be with out you guys? Our deepest respect and appreciation go out to all of you. mwaahugs!

Going back to what I’ve been doing in Manila, I have been up and about since we arrived. It has been mall after mall! The thing I find most amusing is I am not complaining in the least.

May 10 (Wednesday)
11:40 am Arrival at Ninoy Aquino Centennial Airport

3:00 pm Our first shopping trip. My grandmother took us to Pricemart. My brother insisted that I buy a webcam so if you thought I was I camwhore before, wait till I get home.

May 11 (Thursday)
12:00 nn Ian arrived at the condo.He almost got lost on the way too! Embarrassing much? I don’t even know where we live! I couldn’t answer him when he asked what street we were on. I panicked and ran for my mom. LoL!

12:30 pm We met up with Tito Brown and Tita Chona at Power Plant. I can’t believe the price difference here. Tito Brown told me he paid P300 for his haircut and Ian paid P200 for his! I asked them how much they paid for a haircut back home. P25-P30! Whoah!

3:15 pm Saw a movie.My tito treated us to Poseidon. Apart from the fact that he paid P800 for all five of us, I enjoyed it immensely.

May 12 (Friday)
Melanie’s birthday and birthday party. Happy birthday meL! I’m sorry that I couldn’t be there again. I promise I’ll make it up to you!

12:00 nn Went around Shangrila Plaza. We looked around for shirts for my dad and brother.

A little after noon… We had lunch at this swanky restaurant that served mostly Filipino food. I didn’t enjoy my meal as much as everyone else did.

Maybe sometime after 3:00 pm… Relocated our shopping desires to SM

3:50 pm Had an afternoon snack at Pancake House

4:00 pm onward… Shopped till we dropped! Literally.

May 13 (Saturday)
Alden’s birthday
9:00 am Ian arrived at the condo

12:00 nn Mom ordered out for lunch. We had a KFC chicken barrel delivered. There was so much chicken to go around!

2:00 pm Ian, Rafa and I went around Greenbelt. We got lost a couple of times. My brother loved to pretend that he knew where he was going. He panicked every time Ian and I wanted to walk a little farther than he was familiar with. It was so cute! LoL! I then watched them play a few games at the nearest Timezone and Dota at B-connected. Despite not knowing how to play the game myself, I enjoyed every minute we spent there. The sound effects and little jolts of combat entertained me to the highest level.

That’s of us coming out of the rain. We had to wait outside because my parents weren’t home yet! We waited on the floor until they got back.

That’s a picture we took earlier in the day. I tweaked with it a bit on my computer. I was happy.

I’ll post again soon….

Out!
-TiMai

Brown Eyes

2006-05-12T11:05:00.000+07:00

For though I do not shy away from sorrow, a pair of brown eyes can take it all away. I found home in your eyes. I never want to leave...

Birthday Bumm

2006-05-09T14:41:00.000+07:00

It was my brother's birthday yesterday. And where was I during all the ruckus? Locked in my room... with five of the most wonderful people in existance!

With the usual exchange of gossip, sob stories, kilig moments and college plans, my night was made chipper. I was in a mood all day. I could say why but it would just bring me down again.

I'm in an even worse mood now. For the very same reason. I can't wait to get on that plane tomorrow! When I wake up in the morning... I'll be gone.

Promise kept.

Out!
TiMai

Mah bro's new blog!

2006-05-06T11:31:00.000+07:00

Good morning Bloggers!

For eveyone's information, my brother, Rafael Luis D. Sarraga, is no longer using his Xanga site: My Blazing Inferno. He is now operating a site on Blogger called Gates of Heaven. Please exchange your current links for the new one.

Thank you and God Bless!

Out!

-TiMai

Uneventful Days...

2006-05-05T17:52:00.000+07:00

I've had absolutely nothing to do since we came back from our trip to Davao. I'm stuck at home, and when my friends want to go out I mysteriously don't get the invite. Whatever!

My face has been permamnently glued to my computer screen. I can find no other outlet for creativity. I would love to take up bellydancing or start painting again, but I don't have enough cash for lessons right now. My fate has been sealed. I am destined to wander the empty rooms of my house. (Yes, empty! Can you believe I am the only member of my family who has not found a productive way to spend the summer? Even finishing an RPG is more constructive than lazing about my room all day!

Anyhoo... I forgot to put up pictures of my weekend in Iligan. My father found himself obligated to attend the Rotary District Conference. I found it a total waste of time.

My Mom, brother, Tita and cousin stepped to the beat of old Filipino favorites.

My Mom (in blue), Cheska (in purple) and Tita Juvy (in silver) dancing to Bongga Ka Day.

My brother (1st from the left) with the rest of the guys dancing to Kwarta, Kwarta!

The last pose to that song about riding a jeepney. (You can't even see my mom, brother and tita in this one! Nice one Cheska!)

That's me, my brother and my mom goofing around at the hotel.

They brought Iligan a taste of what is to come next year! CDO kicks some major bootie! LoL!

The next few days were uneventful. I was drooling in my computer chair. I was B-O-R-E-D! I spent my days fixing my blog. (Doesn't it look a lot prettier now?) Blogs like Aikaye's and Tina's blew mine out of the water... but still. Isn't the Alien Princess' blog cute?

And because of my days online, I found someone who was just as bored as me:

My cousins Nicola and Alexa at KFC, where Nicola lovingly showered his sister in gravy.

At their house. That's their little friend Miranda. I liked her!

Anyhoo... I'm off to find something better to do!

Oh! By the way... I was thinking of having my hair cut.

What do you think?

Out!

-TiMai

Davao and Back!

2006-04-30T22:47:00.001+07:00

I'm sorry I haven't been able to keep you guys up-to-date lately. I hope the pictures make up for it. They're of our entire trip to Davao. Fun? Watcha think?!

And because I am so vain... Here are some shots of me in Iligan.

Anytime you need a friend...

2006-04-22T10:30:00.000+07:00

Forgive me for having nothing better to talk aboutthan American Idol lately. I have been so sucked into my fu%$ed up world that everything I've been going through just seemed to blow.

What's worse? I just got a call from my cousin. Apparently, an old friend is in the hospital. This guy was one of the guys I grew up with. You know the type. The type you chased after because he made fun of your missing front teeth? Yeah, well we lost touch after a while. I got mad at him for something... I don't remember what anymore. I would have been happy never to talk to him again until I heard he got into a motorcycle accident early this morning. I guess old friends hold a special place in your heart no matter how hard you try to forget them.

I'm going to visit the hospital if I can... It's time to stop picking at old wounds and start letting them heal.

Out!

-TiMai

Anytime You Need A Friend Lyrics
by The Beu Sisters

La La La

La La

La La La

La La

When your sad

When your feeling low

When your hurt

And don't know where to go

Think of me. there i'll be

Anytime you need a friend

When your down

And your luck runs out

Or if your in trouble or in doubt

It's Ok..turn my way

Anytime you need a friend

[Chorus]

La La La

La La

La La La

All our lives

Anywhere we are

Just reach out I'll

Never be to far

Come what may

When your scared

I will stay with you

When you feel your fallin'

I'll lift you

When your heartbreaks

I'llEase your aches,Whatever it takes I'm in

Anytime you need a friend

There I'll stay

Anytime you need a friend

[Chorus]

When you need a friend

Come what may, there i'll stay

Now until the very end

Anytime you need a friend

La La La

La La

Ace Young Leaves Idol

2006-04-21T12:02:00.000+07:00

Ace's being voted out of American Idol last night only prove one thing: That I was right to think that America praises mediocrity. You saw this every night on Idol from Paula Abdul. I say the only honest person on that show is the person they all seem to hate!

I won't care much. I know he will still get a recording contract. In the meantime, I'm cheering for Kat McPhee, Paris Bennet and Chris Daughtry.

Out!

-TiMai

American Idol

2006-04-17T09:55:00.000+07:00

I got this off my cousin's page. Forgive me for copying Ches! Couldn't help myself! At least with you and me having it the chances people will see it nd vote for them are higher, right?

LoL!

Personally, I think the girls are going to win this one. But I'm still praying one of the guys take it home. I thought Carrie Underwood didn't deserve to win last season. Whatever!

And by the way... Bucky shouldn't have left last week. The guy got better and better. That says a lot since he really wasn't very good to begin with. Taylor shoould hve gone home. The guy has been going downhill. At least is dancing has improved!

I've really got nothing better to do... That's why I'm posting about American Idol.

Out!

-TiMai

Holy Week

2006-04-16T13:38:00.000+07:00

Hola Peepz!

Sorry if I've kept you guys in the dark for a while. I've been out of town. Barely out of town really... Spent Holy Week with my family at Camiguin.

We stayed at Paras Beach Resort. I had a good time. I didn't go into the water as much as I would have liked.

I was the assigned photographer during the trip. This is what happens when you leave the camera with me. LoL!

That's me with my cousins Alexa and Katrina at White Island.

Me and Alexa goofing off on the hamock...

My favorite part of this entire trip is that I finally had my picture taken at sunset!

I'll post again when I have more to say...

Out!

-TiMai

Thanks a LOT!

2006-04-10T19:56:00.000+07:00

Have you ever pondered upon why you're asked to make a wish when you're about to blow out the candles to your birthday cake, but you're not allowed to tell anyone what you wished for? Or why you tell the person next to you to make a wish when you see a falling star, but warn him not to tell you what he wished for?

These are little things that would appear insignificant at the point it transpires. Things that we are most likely to forget ever occured. Have you ever given any thought to the possibility that something as simple as a wish could drive our very existance?

A wish is merely a dream that we leave in the hands of fate. Would you want someone to tell you that you couldn't fly? Or go to the moon? Or maybe something as simple as getting into your dream school?

I've come to realize why I want to keep my hopes and ambitions to myself. I don't want anyone to tell me that I can't make it. I haven't even tried yet and already people are bringing me down.

(To me...)

Tring: The dean in our department is really nice.

Mom: And he was you're Dad's classmate in high school!

Tring: And if you're smart, he's going to give you advice on what career you should go for!

Mom: (To Tring...) But what if you're dumb?

Thanks a lot mom! I really needed to hear that!

Out!

-TiMai

Maybe You Need Reminding...

2006-04-06T22:35:00.000+07:00

Sometimes I wish I could just open my eyes and you would be there. Like you used to be. Reality doesn't have to set in all at once. I still live in the afternoons we spend on the sofa watching DVDs. It hurts when I look to my side and find an empty space. It hurts even more when I feel that empty space inside where the old ticker used to be.

I did not mean any word of what I said earlier tonight. I became a defensive player when you bruised my already beaten ego. I went too far. But do not assume my apology was not sincere. How could it not have been? I made a mistake. I acknowledged that. For though I felt my transgression was only equal to that of yours in the past, I was wrong to attack your character in the way that I did. Please try to understand, though it may prove to be a great trial, that even though my sheltered shallow existance still provides me with my own share of 'shit'. And even if that 'shit' is trival, as everyone evidently believes, it still causes me pain. And if having different troubles from everyone else makes me a selfish insensitive bitch, then I guess "If the shoe fits."

I have tried to change. You may find that seriously hard to believe. However, I rarely speak out of pretense. (You may find that hard to believe as well.) I have tried to improve on my character ever since my flaws have been put into light. Please do not think badly of me because of it. I will continue to try to change.

Moreover, not a day goes by that I do not care that an entire region separates us. Not a minute passes that I do not attempt to think up ways to show you that it does not matter. Not a second ticks by that I do not pray that you know that I am here. I am not going anywhere!

I made a promise once upon a time. I will keep it. Not because I promised to. People have lied to me so many times that it doesn't surprise me to learn that a promise is worthless now. I will keep my word because I want to. My promise has given me meaning. I thank you for that.

7 months is not even a wrinkle in time.
It still stands...
If you have to ask... '
'I LOVE YOU!'

flashback:

September 03, 2005

FINNALY!!! even w/ ol the shit that has been goin on... ive figured it.. hope its not to late... "you" have been riddling me for the past weeks.. ^___^hehe... but .. the answer was right under my nose... probably even closer..
finnaly got it.. better late then never... u were ryt.. if i had to ask id never knw... but now im not asking anymore... i may have not figured things out completely...hehe its something bout u that makes u so simple to be with.. but so deep and collective ^____^...
i just want u to knw.. that i have sincere feelings 4 u... though this post may be so forward.. but u knw who you are... i told u b4... guys try to hide behind "coded words" i will try to be "step-up" 4 u... my only regret is w8ing this long... to let u knw.. the feelings that i have tried so hard to hide...i wish u were here... im so sorry ive wasted the time i could have had....
i not sure wat uve heard about me.. but if can.. and i hope u will... talk to me.. lets talk things out.. i want to stop being just ur friend.. we both knw we can be more than that...
this blog isnt enough...!!!

i just hope you will have the time for simple guy like me... even if ur out saving the world "KP"... ^_^

Out!

-TiMai

2006-04-06T11:05:00.000+07:00

I know I must have come off as rude. I just wanted an excuse not to eat. In all honesty, I'm not very hungry. Just bored. I guess putting food into my mouth will help that. The problem? I'm allergic to shrimp. Yikes! my face turns puffy and my eyes get watery. Sometimes I get feverish too. Big nada to shrimp for me!

The guys tried to coax me into going by saying there are a lot of other dishes there. It is Teaher Mercy's birthday afterall. Still, it wouldn't feel right. I wouldn't want to go and not eat. That would just be wrong.

I am so down in the dumps. I didn't want to get out of bed this morning. Mom told me she would take me to get the list of requirements for college if I didn't go to school. I was not going to get caught with my Mom. Don't get me wrong! I love my Mom and all... But college kids aren't supposed to rely on their parents anymore. Even if they do want us to depend on them. Argh!

I think I'll go to my grandma's house. I am so not in the mood for drama right now. (It may not seem like it,but that is the case!) I just want to be alone. I want Beau!!! I need a hug... =c

Out!

-TiMai

I'm Leaving On A Jet Plane!

2006-04-04T18:57:00.000+07:00

I am going to have a very hectic summer! Apart from jumping from one island to another, I'll have to work my ass off five times harder than usual. Why? Because working twice as hard isn't cutting it anymore. Plus: I have to get into college! I have no idea what to do and I'm the only one who thinks that it's horrible! (That part would be so much easier if they allowed me to go to Manila from the start! I don't have to go to my dream just yet. I'd just like to be close by...)

April 21st, the deadline set for our yearbook, is fast approaching. This afternoon, I thought I was only five write-ups away from finishing the entire graduating class! The downside to this? Apparently, the space we set aside for the write-ups is much bigger than I prepared for. We now have to lengthen them to at least 12 lines/ person. Did you say, "Oh no Maite! Now you have to start from the very beginning!"? Ding ding ding! We have a winner!

I'm not complaining as to having to write more. I'm just really worried that I won't be able to make our deadline. Urgh!

I'm not as psyched as one should be about our trip to Camiguin. Whatever! As soon as we finish our Bohol trip with the threshold, I'll be off to Manila! I can't wait!

Did you hear that world? I"M GOING TO MANILA!!! Yay!

Out!
-TiMai

Over It!

2006-04-03T15:29:00.000+07:00

I can't wait to get out of here!

Don't worry... I'll be off to Manila first chance I get! And they'll have to drag me by the hair if they wanto to bring me home!

Sigh! Sometimes... Parents just don't understand!

Out!

-TiMai

Doing Favors

2006-04-02T18:26:00.000+07:00

I spent most of the day on the net. I promised my cousin Cheska I'd work out the bugs in the html codes for her blog. I had a really hard time figuring out what was wrong. In the end I concluded that it was hopeless and suggested that I help her look for a new design. One thing I figured out after all that... My cousin is really hard to please!

I think I came up with a pretty decent compromise. It is, afterall, her favorite Disney Princess!

I did work for my brother's bestfriend too. I did it as a favor. He is afterall my kabarkada's brother.

Anyhoo... Still praying that everything goes well tomorrow. I really really really want that trip to Manila! I'm hoping my parents will come along so that I wont have to be on granny-duty 24/7. It will be easier to sneak out that way! LoL! (I'm kidding Mom! And you should really stop reading my blog! =p)

I gotta go... I'm hoping my phone will ring. Maybe it will if I get off the net!

Out!

-TiMai

Top 3 Rules Of Being A Girl

2006-04-01T19:22:00.000+07:00

Something I've learned over the years... LoL!

Taking A Break

2006-04-01T12:48:00.000+07:00

I just came from the driving school my parents enrolled me in. The creepy man behind the desk informed me of the changes in my schedule. You see, I was enrolled for 5 lessons of 2 hours each. Since I work on the yearbook every friggin' day from 9:00 am-4:00 pm, he suggested that I compromise. I now have 3 lessons of 3-4 hours each. Not that I heard any of this. I was preoccupied. (I was busy biting my tongue to keep from laughing!) The guy spoke like Dr. Evil from Austin Powers! He reminded me so much of Rolf from Licoe's production of The Sound of Music. That was so wrong on so many levels!

Before all the holabaloo, I was at school. Again! I almost feel sorry for myself, as I have mentioned on several occassions. But this time I worked twice as hard! Why? I was promised a trip to Manila as soon as we finish. I don't have to tell you why want to, now do I?

Still, despite getting A+ on effort from the entire staff, progress is still really slow. I'm only taking a break myself. I'm working on the home computer.

I guess I better get back to work...

Out!

-TiMai

I Need A Life!

2006-03-31T14:23:00.000+07:00

I woke up sick today. I didn't want to worry my Mom. I'm sure she would have said something like, "It's probably because you sit in front of the computer all day!" Do you get how the two are connected?

Anyhooo... I'm sitting in front of my computer again. Rafa and I are alone today. Mom and Dad went to some meeting. With Dad being the incoming President of his Rotary club and my Mom incoming President of the Rotary Anns, things have been pretty hectic for them. I've never really took any interest in the activities of the club. Their 'meetings' are get togethers where they all take turns singing on the kareoke machine. Not that they don't get anything done. I just feel that my Mom and Dad are being taken advantage of.

We get calls in the middle of the night because the head of some activity forgot to buy snacks. My Mom ends up having to go out and buy the food herself! When the men need a favor, they ring my Dad. And these are things they could easily do themselves! At least when my Mom and Dad become Presidents of their respective clubs they won't have to adjust to much of a change.

Speaking of change...

I wish I could go out as much as I used to during the school year. But apparently, the end of the school year meant the end of so many other things too.

Maite: Ma pwede ko mag laag unya?

Mom: Unsaon nimo ug uli?

Maite: Mag-taxi ko.

Mom: Ugma nalang. Nong Lito can pick you up tomorrow.

Maite: But I've taken a cab before!

Mom: Ian was with you! Patuo lang Te!

Maite: (dials Cecile's home number.)

Voice: Hello?

Maite: Good evening! Pwede kang Cecile?

Voice: Nilakaw ra ba. Tawagan nalang ka niya utro.

Maite: Ah! Sige... Thank you!

(...Five hours later: still no call...)

I almost wish that night we marched down the SMS covered court never happened. As almost everyone knows, I hate change. You never know what to expect. I don't like getting disappointed. If it's not broken, don't fix it!

It is a beautiful summer day. And I am stuck at home in front of a computer. I am alone. I need a life!

Out!

-TiMai

Icons by TiMai

2006-03-30T17:48:00.000+07:00

I started making my own icons the other day. The only problem I've encountered is how to keep them at height=100 width=100. Aside from that, they've turned out okay.

I put them all on the side. What do you think?

Anyhoo... I think the fact that I've been in school everyday ever since graduation is pathetic! Not that I'm not enjoying my extra time with a few of the guys. It's just that:

Kung paswelahon, dili mu skwela.

Kung mu skwela, dili mu sulod.

Kung mu sulod, dili maminaw.

Kung maminaw, dli makasabot.

Kung makasabot, malimtan.

Ngano mu skwela pa man?

LoL! A little something made up by my good friend Ton Bollozos. Good isn't it?

I'll be back later with more icons...

Out!

-TiMai

I'm a GOOD GIRL!

2006-03-28T18:47:00.000+07:00

I took another personailty test. Are you a good girl or bad girl?

Looks like you have nothing to worry about!

You Are a Normal Girl

You are 60% Good and 40% Bad
Sure you've pulled some bad girl stunts in your past.
But these days, you're (mostly) a good girl.

Are You a Good Girl or a Bad Girl?

Personality Tests

2006-03-27T17:44:00.000+07:00

I am crazy! I am ambsolutely insane!

I don't know why I decided to go home but I just had to get away. Yam and Karl were driving me insane. Don't get me wrong, they were extremely sweet. Not sweet as to say indecent. However... I dunno! You guys get it, right?

I spent the whole day taking silly personality tests online. Here are some of the results:

Your Alias Should Be:

Miracle Destinee

What Should Your Alias Be?

Men See You As Choosy

Men notice you light years before you notice them
You take a selective approach to dating, and you can afford to be picky
You aren't looking for a quick flirt - but a memorable encounter
It may take men a while to ask you out, but it's worth the wait

How Do Men See You?

Your Inner Muse is Melpomene

You are most like this muse of tragedy.
While you aren't depressed, you don't shy away from sadness.
Although you do tend to be gloomy, you have a sensitive side.
And this sensitive side helps inspire and help others.

What Muse Are You?

Your Famous Movie Kiss is from The Princess Bride

"This is true love - you think this happens every day?"

What Famous Movie Kiss Are You?

Your Passion is Red!

You've got that spark - a good dose of intensity, power, and determination.
You do whatever you want in life ... to hell with what anyone thinks!
With so many interests and loves, you're always running around doing something new.
You have fire in your eyes, and it shows. Bet you're even wearing something red!

What Color is Your Passion?

Your Aura is Blue

Your Personality: Your natural warmth and intuition nurtures those around you. You are accepting and always follow your heart.

You in Love: Relationships are your top priority, and this includes love. You are most happy when you are serious with someone.

Your Career: You need to help others in your job to feel satistifed. You would be a great nurse, psychologist, or counselor.

What Color Is Your Aura?

You Are Catwoman

"Life's a bitch. Now so am I."

What Superheroine Are You?

You Are Psyche!

Eternally in search of purpose and insight.
You're curious and creative with a total sense of wonder.
Totally empathetic, you pick up on other's moods easily.
Just be sure to pamper yourself as well!

What Goddess Are You?

Kim and Ron

2006-03-25T07:58:00.000+07:00

I'll do what I can to be there beforethe summer ends. I PROMISE.

Incomplete

2006-03-25T07:52:00.000+07:00

How can I go through another day alone! Yes, alone. Why? A part of me is missing. I am incomplete! It feels like I've lost an arm or leg. Or worse... a heart.

I can't function properly. I've grown accustomed to being whole. And now... I won't be whole for a long, long time.

Am I getting carried away with the Advent Children?

I saw Liceo's production of the Sound of Music today. Amazing! They out did us in almost everything but the acting. The sets and acoustics made ours look like a kindergarten performance. The costumes were all tailored especially for the play. The lights brought out the color in all of their costumes. Their make-up could have used a lot of work though. Their Reverend Mother looked like she was only in her thirties. And the Captain looked like a teenager! *A teenager with a really deep voice, but a teenager all the same.* But they screwed up when it cam to the acting.

Their Maria babbled all her lines. The Captain mummbled his. The children all spoke with different accents! Liesl spoke as if she were chinese, Louisa sounded Indian and Kurt, well, Kurt just looked queer. Their Elsa was really good though!

I'll show you guys what we finished at threshold yesterday as soon as I have it uploaded.

Out!
-TiMai

Scars

2006-03-23T17:00:00.000+07:00

My way of saying I miss you...

I look around me and feel so alone. It does not take long for me to realize why. A piece of me is missing. I am incomplete.

You Will Be Missed

2006-03-14T19:31:00.000+07:00

A young lady that defines the true beauty of spirit...

Please pray for Ailleen Monica E. Adecer of St. Mary's School Batch 2004 and her dearest father. She left this world last Sunday, March 12, at 10:00 pm from a gun shot wound. Her dad is still in critical condition. The man responsible for Monic's death, as well as the injuries her father endures, is now in custody.

Please pray for her family. That they may have enough strength to get through this terrible ordeal. Also, that they may accept reality and put to mind that Ailleen is in a better place.

Today also happens to be Monic's birthday. She would have turned 19 today if she had lived.

More Prom Pictures!

2006-03-13T15:22:00.000+07:00

Back:Michelle and Cecile

Front:Lindsey, Tinay, Krisha, Janine, Marie and Moi!

Ian, me, Cecile, Krisha, Janine, Marie, Tinay and Michelle

Kneeling: Dave

Dodoy, Nico, Kemuel, Alfon and Igi

Bottom: Alden

Back: Janine and Cecile

Front: Ian, Dave, Dan and Jeho

Coupling?

Jeho & Janine, Bien & Marie

Playing around with Janine and Michelle

Muling Ibalik?

A Sucker For Brown Eyes

2006-03-11T23:55:00.000+07:00

I'm not even sure how to begin this one...

It started out just like any other day. I woke up at around 8:30, which is really early for me. I jumped when the phone rang. *If you've been keeping post our phone has been dead for over a month already.* When I picked it up only to find it dead again, I had the strongest urge to throw it against the wall. I fought it. *Good thing too! I paid $23.00 for that phone!* Gave up trying to fall back to sleep after a while and climed into bed with my mom and dad. *Pathetic? Whatever!* When I woke up I found they'd left to go to some Rotary thingy. I watched The Bold and The Beautiful until noon.

I got to my Grandma's at around 2 o'clock in the afternoon. She asked me to dance along with the Rotary Anns. *I was so excited... NOT!* Instead, I headed for the grass and played with Carle. Yes, I rolled on grass, chased butterflies and shook my bootie! LoL! I love that little girl so much!

The rest of the afternoon was pretty dull. Apart from a text message here and there I could have, and probably should have, caught some Z's. Nothing of any interest happened at all!

But then... Well, let's just say it wasn't pretty.

He was out all day. He said he'd be out late too! I told him I'd wait up. I really wanted to. So I did wait. And wait. And wait. The hours ticked by... I checked my watch: 11:45. I caught Lastik Man on Tv. My phone rang. It read 4 missed calls and 8 new messages. I panicked. The clock now read 12 md! I called him in a hurry. *Talk about biting my head off!* I was really upset! I really wanted to wait up for him and he was mad because I made him wait! I did consider that he must've been sleepy too, but still... Urgh! I was incapable of forming complete sentences because of rage. I could almost see smoke rise from the top of my head. I couldn't help it! I was really hurt! I am not over reacting when I say tha no matter how good my intentions are, something spoils it! Nothing turns out right! Nothing ever does! And I try SOOOOOOOOOOOO hard! It just seems so unfair...

What can I say... I'm a sucker for brown eyes. And guys who just don't fit in.

I'm out. I need sleep!

-TiMai

Check List

2006-03-07T19:46:00.000+07:00

The whole class has been bugging about all our requirements. I'm still a few short. *Don't worry! I'll get them done! I know where I'm headed now...*

Here are some of the debilitating tasks that were asked of us:

Research Paper - Term Paper, whatever you want to call it! I had to redo mine because I didn't double space!*

Business Plan - I know nothing about financial planning! I am in high school! What do I know about friggin' business that isn't in our handouts?

Documenation - Despite not knowing how to speak Tagalog, I had fun doing this one. There were extremely awkward moments here and there, but whatever! I'm sure that was one experience I will never forget.

Computer Program - We have our defense tomorrow. I liked doing this one too! I know I'm not as good as some of my classmates but our program didn't turn out badly!

Physics Poem - I know I love to write, but about Physics? Who writes a poem about Physics? That is just plain weird!

Demographic Survey - I didn't play a very big role in this one. I did help though! I wrote the conclusion down on the blue paper!

I can't even remember the rest! All I know is... I'll be glad when this is all over! I am so out of SMS! I thought I would be clinging to the gates of Perla Bab--- OOOPS! I mean, of the school! I'll be happy once I march.

Wait! Maybe not so happy...

Don't stay if I'm the only thing holding you back. Don't jeopardize your future because of me. Don't get me wrong! I don't want you to go! But I want what is best for you. Even if it isn't here with me. Much LOVE!

-TiMai

A Dream is a wish your heart makes...

2006-03-07T07:53:00.000+07:00

What kind of a world is it when you can’t count on your parents to support your dreams and ambitions?

Ma'am Tinny told me that she knew how to handle me. She says I need someone to push me, to believe in me. She says that I take other people's opinion of me to heart. With that, I give other people the power to take away my power to do anything.

You'd think the first people who would push you to reach for the stars are your parents! I don't even want to tell them what I want to be anymore... Actually, I haven't told anyone. But I'm going to post it here anyway! My mom and dad don't read my blog.

I want to be a lawyer. *Please do not try to make any assumptions on why I want to be one. You will never get it right! =p*

I'm not going to tell them. I'm going to come out as a hypocrite. But whatever! I'm allowed to grow up. I actually gave all this a lot of thought. Not that they gave me any other choice!

Majors I Should Consider:

Remember that you can major in just about anything and get into law school. Keep in mind that majors in the humanities, social sciences and natural sciences may be preferred. Above all else, law schools want students with broad and solid liberal arts backgrounds.

Business
English
Foreign Languages
Government
Mathematics
Natural Sciences
Political Science
Philosophy
Psychology
Religion
Sociology

Courses I Should Consider Taking:

Accounting
Anthropology
Business (basic survey course)
Economics
English Composition
English Literature
Finance (basic survey course)
Foreign Language
Government
History
Logic
Philosophy
Political Philosophy
Western Philosophy
Western Political Philosophy
Political Science
Politics
Political Thought
Speech Communications
Social Studies
other related courses

If it weren't for Him, Michelle and Ma'am Tinny I probably would have ended up a bum with no direction in life. *Well, to others who don't know about this, I'm still a bum with no direction in life! LoL!* But they are probably the only people who have stuck with me. That you guys! I promise I won't sleep in claa anymore! LoL!

Much Love,

-TiMai

P.S.

If I'm good, this is where I'm heading:

Oh! By the way, I'm not posting this on my xanga. Too many people open that blog as it is... Confusing? I know Ian! Think of blogging as my way of talking to myself... It is easier that way.

Prom Pictures

2006-03-05T16:03:00.000+07:00

Here are the pictures that I promised!

I know , I know! Vain, right? But believe me, I was far from being confident when these pictures were taken. I kept shifting positions and fidgeting. Trisha *The lady who took my pictures!* actually asked me if I've ever wanted to be like Barbie! LoL!

They'll be more later! As soon as my brother finishes with whatever he's doing.

*Yes, I have to share the computer! =p*

OuT!

-TiMai

P.S.

I came back to finish posting pictures but all I have on this computer are the pictures of me and ian.

here they are:

Random!

2006-03-05T14:51:00.000+07:00

I just finished my term paper. I freaked out earlier because I almost deleted the freakin' file when I tried to save it! I was so lucky you can retrieve files from Microsoft Word. But now that I'm done:

!!!

That's What We Do!

2006-03-03T21:52:00.000+07:00

Recap:

Point#1

No one knows a person better than himself/herself.
What you think doesn't matter. It is how other people understand you that matters.

Point#2

Stop using your head for once and think with your heart!
Don't let your emotions run your life! Let logic rule once in a while.

In addition...

To Him: I am blind, insensitive, selfish, self-centered and proud.
To Me: He is blind, insensitive, selfish, self-centered and proud.

Conclusion?

Let me share a few lines from The Notebook.

Noah: It's not about following your heart and it's not about keeping your promises. It's about security.

Allie: You smug bastard. I hate you for saying that.

Noah: You're bored Allie. You're bored and you know it. You wouldn't be here if you weren't.

Allie: You arrogant son of a bitch.

Noah: Would you just stay with me?

Allie: Stay with you? What for? Look at us, we're already fightin'

Noah: Well that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing.

Allie: So what?

Noah: So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like? If it's with him, go. Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again. If I though that's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out.

Allie: What easy way? There is no easy way, no matter what I do, somebody gets hurt.

Noah: Would you stop thinking about what everyone wants? Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do YOU want? What do you WANT?

Allie: It's not that simple.

Noah: What... do... you... want? Whaddaya want?